السبت، ٩ يونيو ٢٠٠٧
Austria’s truest eye
German Language Migrant Literature in Austria and Trotzdem singe ich by Ishraga Mustafa Hamid
Tanja Binggeli
0111259
Department of Germanic Studies
German Honours IV Long Essay
Supervisor: Dr Andrea Bandhauer
University of Sydney
2006
“[T]he truest eye may now belong to the migrant’s double vision”
Homi K. Bhabha
Ishraga Mustafa Hamid
Ishraga Mustafa Hamid is a Sudanese-Austrian currently living and working in Vienna. Ishraga arrived in Austria in 1993 after being accepted as a student at the University of Vienna.
Ishraga was born in 1961 in Kosti, a city approximately 250km south of the capital, Khartoum and part of the coutry’s majority muslim north. Born into a Muslim family, Ishraga attended primary school and high school in Kosti, before moving to Omdurman in 1985 to study at the Islamic University of Omduran. Here Ishraga completed a degree in Publizistik and journalism*.[1] Ishraga completed her degree with the result “very good with honour” and after this continued on with work Hamid commenced as a student in 1985 as a freelance journalist. Hamid also had a number of articles, poetry and prose published during this period. In 1991 Ishraga returned to study, enrolling in the Postgraduate College at the University of Khartoum where, in 1992, Ishraga completed a ‘high degree Diploma in Communication’. After the completion of her second degree, Ishraga worked as a radio journalist for ‘Radio Obdurman’ on a program called ‘People and the Environment’ before preparing to leave the Sudan for Austria.
Ishraga had begun her political involvement while at highschool in the Sudan with the feminist movement. This was for Ishraga not just a political awakening, but Ishraga recalls “[d]urch mein Engagement hat sich mein Bewusstsein entwickelt und auch verändert. Ich hatte mich zum ersten Mal als Frau wahrgenommen.“[2] Through her involvement with the feminist movement Ishraga began to become occupied with politics in the Sudan, the situation of women in her country, the environment, as well as the war in the South.[3] However, with the coming to power of the Military Regime in 1989 under General Lieutenant Omer el Beshir, life became very difficult for those who were or had previously been politically active. “Nachdem das Regime…an die Macht kam, kamen alle Personen, die politisch aktiv waren auf die Watchlist. Es was schwierig, einen Job im Sudan zu finden, obwohl ich mit sehr guten Noten abgeschlossen hatte.“[4] So amidst the political unrest that was taking over Sudan, Ishraga left for Austria.
Ishraga moved to Austria in 1993 after being accepted as a student by the University of Vienna. Ishraga enrolled in a Masters (Magister) program in Pubizistik- und Kommunikationswissenschaft, however, before undertaking study towards her Masters, Ishraga had to complete a number of courses prescribed by the University, aswell as complete a Diplomarbeit as her studies in Sudan were not completely recognised. After the completion of her Diplomarbeit in 1997, Ishraga commenced work on her Magister and also worked on a number of studies into the situation of immigrants n Vienna, particularly that of African women. One of the first studies which Ishraga completed in Vienna, “Integration zwischen Regen und Fata Morgana, Ansichten und Aussichten afrikanischer Migrantinnen in Wien”, was completed during 1997 and 1998 and was presented at a Work Conference at the University of Graz in 1999 entitled “Black and White – African European Identities”.
Ishraga has also worked closely alongside Dr Erwinn Ebermann in his research on the state of the African population in Vienna. Dr Ebermann’s book, Afrikaner in Wien (2002) features a number of studies and surveys undertaken by Ishraga Mustafa Hamid as well as summary of the results written by Hamid herself (as referred to in the second chapter).
Whilst working towards her Magister in Austria, Ishraga has worked for a number of organisations and institutions, as well as having had a number of articles and works of literature published as well as having been a lecturer at the University of Vienna in the Institute of Political Science since 2001.
In 1998/1999 Ishraga was a coordinator of seminars to raise awareness on the topic of ‘The development in Africa from a Genderperspective” in Osttirol. Ishraga also worked during this time as a researcher for the Wiener Intergrationsfond and following this, Ishraga was contracted by the advocacy group Frauensolidarität and and the City of Vienna as a researcher into issues concerning women’s health and rights.
In 2002 Ishraga was hired as a Project Manager by the Wiener Institut für Entwicklungszusammenarbeit (VIDC) on a project called ‘Gender Pool’.[5]
Between 1997-2002 Ishraga had several articles published in the magazine for Frauensolidarität, dealing primarily with issues concerning the question of gender, democracy and development. Ishraga has also made contributions to a number of anthologies published by Milena Verlag. These include „Die Spraches des Widerstandes ist alt wie die Welt und ihr Wunsch“ (2000) and „Eure Sprache ist nicht meine Sprache“ (2002). In addition to this, Ishraga’s work appears in an anthology of 100 authors whose work was compiled by Helmuth A. Niederle called “Fremde in mir”.
In August 2005 Ishraga was the convenor of a conference in Vienna which was run in conjunction with an NGO co-founded and chaired by Hamid called NilDonau: für Entwicklung und Friedenskultur. The conference was given the title “A Networking Conference Across Borders: The Challenges and Strategies of Sudanese Women for Democratic Change and the Rebuilding of Sudan.” and the aim of the conference was to bring together female representatives of civil society from all parts of the world to work on “perspectives” for the rebuilding in Sudan, and particularly to focus on the unique contribution that women are able to make toward the peace and democratization process.[6] In regards what is required for a successful rebuilding of the society in the Sudan, Hamid says:
Aus meiner Sicht braucht es die Trennung von Religion und Staat, viel Bewusstseinsbildung bei den jungen Menschen und eine aktive Beteiligung von Frauen am Friedensprozess.[7]
In another article reporting on the conference, Hamid shares her strong belief in the need for a ‚culture of peace’, „Wir müssen eine Kultur des Friedens schaffen. Nur ein Abkommen zu schließen reicht nicht“.[8]Hamid explains that women need to take an active role in the peace process as they are good examples in the area of “Bewusstseinsbildung und Erziehung”: Sie können sich leichter die Hand reichen und miteinander versöhnlich sprechen.[9] The conference brought together women representing Sudan’s Islamic north wth women representing the Christian south. Hamid said was deemed by Hamid a success as “[d]ie Frauen aus dem Süden haben mit den Frauen aus dem Norden gesprochen... und [sie] haben das mit viel Kraft und Humor gut geschafft“
Hamid describes her self a human rights activist and feminist: “[m]eine
Basis sind die Menschenrechte und die Frauenrechte im Besonderen“.[10] However, Hamid is often asked how she balances her feminist convictions with her muslim faith. This is Hamid’s reponse in an interview after the NilDonau conference last year:
Was den Feminismus betrifft, so kann ich nur sagen, dass ich mich für Frauenanliegen einsetze. Dass diese mitunter in muslimischen
Gesellschaften andere sind als in westlichen, ist klar. Ich analysiere die Lage sozusagen als „Feministin aus dem Süden“.[11]
By contrast to other poetry with a political message by other African writers in Austria, the tone of Ishraga’s poetry tends to be on the whole much more peaceful and positive, focused on hope
The aftrican community is so networked and because of marginalisation and stigmatisation that is truly is a new location from which to speak. Speaking on behalf of many.
Autobiographical aspect to Hamid’s poetry
In the foreward to the collection of poetry, Hamid introduces the collection as follows:
Mir bleibt die Hoffnung, dass meine Worte eure Herzen berühren und eure Körper und Seelen bewegen mögen. Denn das bin ich, ich bin voller Hoffnung, die von Schmerz und Leid begleitet wird. Trotzdem singe ich.[12]
This summary by Ishraga of herself is a profound summary of the poetry in this collection. It would appear that it can be derived from this opening few lines that much of this poetry can be viewed as being strongly autobiographical. At the end of the quoted opening lines Hamid repeats the title of the collection: “Trotzdem singe ich”. Based on the assumption that much of the content of Ishraga’s poetry may be considered autobiographical, the poems which follow this brief introduction could be considered Hamid’s ‘song’.
As a result of this assumption, I will refer often to the sentiments expressed in the poems as being those of the author herself. The potery seems to provide a mode of expression for Hamid as well as (according to the introduction) bridge of communication between herself and a German-speaking white Austrian audience.
Method
Due to the short nature of many of her poems it has been considered best to look at a number which particularly show a spectrum of the thematic material covered by Hamid in this collection
Heimat
In Afrika
In Österreich
In Deutschland
In Südamerika
In Asien
Oder in Nordamerika
Die Menschen sind meine Heimat
The concept of ‘Heimat’ in the German language is one which is often played on in Migrant Literature.[13] The German word can not easily be translated into English. ‘Heimat’ carries a much deeper sense of belonging that the English word ‘home’. Given this depth of meaning and the emphasis on the concept of belonging captured in this word, it is a highly relevent term in the language of those who struggle to know where it is they belong. Hamid has a unique take on the usage of this word in this poem entitle Heimat.
As the first poem in the volume, ‘Heimat’ would appear to be of special significance. In a way, this poem acts as a short preface to the poems in the rest of the collection by pointing to several key themes which are to appear again and again in the poems which follow.
First of all, ‘Heimat’ introduces the idea that the author has a fairly global perspective. Hamid is someone who thinks across borderlines, oceans and racial lines. Very quickly, the reader is transported from the secure concept with the title ‘Heimat’, around the ‘four corners’ of the globe. The concept of ‘Heimat’ is defined by borders and antithesis. The word ‘Heimat’ is often used to refer to the ‘homeland’, clearly emphasising the sense of solidarity with those who reside within the nation’s borders. In her poem, however, Hamid effectively empties the word of this meaning. In the poem, the concept of ‘Heimat’ is stretched almost inconceivably to a German-speaking reader to encompass the entire world, effectively emptying the word of its traditional meaning. here we see Hamid’s playing subtly with the German language (Entfremdung) in a way which is (almost?) beyond a native speaker.
Knowing German as a foreign language, the words sit above a pre-existing framework of meaning in Hamid’s mind. It is, therefore, easier for Hamid to understand fairly objectively the power of meaning of the word ‘Heimat’ and use it to communicate in a new way.
Ishraga creates a (geographical) tension in this poem between the title and the places named in the first 6 lines. This tension, however, is resolved by Hamid in the last line:
Die Menschen sind meine Heimat[14]
With this line the first tension is resolved, only to establish another. The geographical understanding of the word ‘Heimat’ is replaced by a very abstract concept. The German-speaking audience is being challenged once again to be flexible with the meaning ascribed to the word ‘Heimat’.It is not, however, that Hamid intends to empty the word of its meaning entirely. The objective appears to be to stretch the meaning of the meaning in order for it to be able to be applied to a different, perhaps even new, object. The association of belonging is to be disconnected from a geographical location and applied to a universal humanity. The ‘Oder’ in the last line of the poem disrupts the rhythmic flow of the poem, creating a pause. This pause could be considered a pause of reflection before continuing with the final place name, “in Nordamerika”. This could possibly be a political statement against the administration in the US and their actions on the world political stage. (Hamid is a muslim who may be at odds with the Bush administration’s Christian policies.)
Rosen für Omofuma
Wir weinen nicht um dich
wir weinen um die Sonne der Freiheit, die unterging
als zwei Vögel auf deinen Schultern geschlachtet wurden
in deinen Augen wurden unsere Träume getötet
auf deinen Lippen wurden Wolken gefangen
Wir weinen nicht um dich
bis unsere Qualen enden
trotzdem singen wir
unsere Trommeln verstummen nicht
wir pflanzen dich in unsere Kinder
Es blüht ein Baum, bunt
in seinem Schatten
singen wir für Gleichheit
This poem by Hamid refers directly to the death of Marcus Omofuma who died whilst in police custody in 1999.
With political overtones and the feel of a song of solidarity, this poem speaks of a collective sadness at the loss represented by the death of Marcus Omofuma at the hands of an Austrian State authority. However, Ishraga lifts the mood of the poem half way through with a message of hope in the face of persecution.
Ishraga uses the first person collective pronoun “wir” in this poem, indicating that her voice in the poem represents the sentiments shared by many others.
The central theme of this poem is hope.
Wir weinen nicht um dich
wir weinen um die Sonne der Freiheit, die Unterging[15]
The poem appears to be communicating a fairly political message. Rather than an obituary to Marcus Omofuma, who does not appear to have been personally known to the author, this poem opens by mourning what the death of Marcus Omofuma at the hands of the Austrian police represents to the collective African community in Austria. What this act represents to the African community is the violence of the Austrian police in its attitude and behaviour towards the African population. Not only this, in the trial of the police who were involved in the incident, the officers were given extremely light sentencing.[16] This demonstration of a seeming ambivalence towards violence against Africans is a very significant blow to a population already very aware of the hostile attitudes of the ‘white’ Austrian majority around them.
Ishraga uses powerful images from nature to depict the loss that this event represents from her perspective. The image of the people crying as they watch the sun go down is one of great hopelessness, as if the sun has gone down for the last time. The images become more violent, representing Omofuma’s death as the slaughtering of two birds on his shoulders. In his death, he has embodied the death of the dreams of the collective group and an unwelcoming future.
in deinen Augen wurden unsere Träume getötet
auf deinen Lippen wurden Wolken gefangen[17]
According to Hamid in this poem, the death of Omofuma represents a huge defeat in the eyes of the African people who have been struggling for recoginition and respect from a white, European society. The fact that Ishraga should see Omofuma’s death a loss for the African population[18] as a whole shows Ishraga’s belief that Omofuma’s death is as a direct result of Omofuma’s race. In this case, it represents such a great loss bu substitution – it could have been anyone of African descent so mitreated in his place, and follows that it could happen to anyone of African descent in the future. Therefore, dreams of living peacefully and in solidarity with their white Austrian neighbours & authorities were crushed through the event of Omofuma’s death.
In the second stanza the poet shows a solidarity with Omofuma personally and puts his death more into the context of the racial struggle of the Africans.
Wir weinen nicht um dich
bis unsere Qualen enden[19]
Here it would appear that Ishraga is saying that the African people can not mourn for him until their suffering has ended, which would appear to imply that Omofuma’s mourning can not begin until the political agenda which his death has raised, has been dealt with. The ‘Qualen’ appears to refer to politcal and social oppression experienced by African immigrants in Austria.
What comes next is very characteristic of Hamid’s poems, particularly when dealing with the theme of hope. Oftening in the midst of lamenting the plight of the African population in Austria in a poem, the first half will present a bleak picture of their situation. However, around half way through the poem there will be a turning point, from which the mood of the poem is lifted completely. The mood shift is usually implies a triumphing over adversity
trotzdem singen wir
unsere Trommeln verstummen nicht
wir pflanzen dich in unsere Kinder[20]
In the second half of the second stanza, Hamid shows her solidarity with Omofuma and alludes to the strength of the African people. Hamid presents the very evocative aural image of the African drumming to represent their collective protest at Omofuma’s death. The image of “planting” Omofuma in their children is used to express the tribute to Omofuma’s life that the African community will pay by ensuring that his name lives on for generations to come.
Particularly interesting in the images chosen by Hamid in this part of the poem is their allusion to fairly stereotypical images held by Westerners of the African ‘Orient’. In the first stanza, Hamid speaks in terms of events in nature to express the sense of loss experienced by the African community at Omofuma’s death. A common assiociation in Orientalist discourse with the African Orient is nature.A western stereotype, which as has been shown, still exists today, is that African people share a special bond with the natural world. Through the use of powerful images from nature to communicate the message in this poem, it appears that Hamid is appealing to these stereotypes in the minds of her German-speaking Austrian audience. Equally, the aural depiction of drumming and singing are two other images closely associated by the West with African tribal traditions. The idea of “planting” Omofuma in their future generations evokes a sense of storytelling. The oral tradition of story-telling is another stereotypical characteristic of people of the Orient in the Orientalis discourse. Hamid, therefore, seems to embrace many images considered, now, fairly stereotypical of the ‘Orient’.
The last stanza features, again, stereotypical images of ‘African’ people. The aural image of collective singing evokes the sounds of the harmonious full tones of an African choir. Singing, particularly in times of oppression, is also an aspect of African culture which the West has clung onto as a part of the ‘Other’ African cutlre. The strong ‘African’ flavour of this image is further strengthened by the fact that the singers are depicted singing outdoors under the shade of a tree that blossoms brightly.
Es blüht ein Baum, bunt
In seinem Schatten
singen wir für Gleichheit[21]
Here another political message in the poem is conveyed., The united chorus of the African community in Austria singing for equality.
In this poem Hamid portrays a tragic loss of hope in the face of the treatment by the Austrian police of fellow African Marcus Omofuma. Hamid, however, shows that through the solidarity of the African community, the “wir” of the poem, this injustice can be overcome, and indeed there is hope for a more positive future. Despite the brutality of the crime and prejudice agaist which Hamid protests, the images of the African protest in the poem are colourful, inspiring and peaceful. Hamid seems to be suggesting that the nature of their protest is at the present time a peaceful one, or perhaps she is calling on fellow people of African descent in Austria to remember their roots and traditional ways and not to answer violence and hatred with more of the same.
Meine Schwarzen Schwestern
Meine Schwarzen Schwestern
Sind meine stärke
Meine Lieder
Mein Stolz
Sie sind meine Sterne
Mein Durst
Meine Sehnsucht
Nach Verzeihen
Vergessen
und
Liebe
Schwarze Schwestern
Hand in Hand
Herz an Herz
Auf dem Weg zu unsere Befreiung
Umarme ich euch
Here Hamid demonstrates the passionate solidarity that she feels with other (‚black’) African women.
The repeated use of the possessive pronous ‘Mein’ in the poem indicates the internalization of sentiments shared amongst women in the African community, as well as identifying vicariously with their struggles and victories. Hamid reeps strength, joy hope and pride from her identification with other African women. The depiction of her “Schwarzen Schwestern” as her “Lieder” links Hamid with the image of singing which is considered by the West as being an inherent part of African tradition. It is also and image of and expression of overflowing sentiment, either joy or sorrow. The description of her ‘sisters’ as being her “Sterne” is an image which is full of hope and inspiration with the reader picturing Hamid literally looking up to them
. In the second half of the first stanza Hamid captures the passion with is intensified by a collective identity. When one shares so passionately and intimately the joys and pain of a whole group of people, the sentiment runs more deeply and becomes a larger issue. Through sharing an issue with many others, the issue will be talked about, cried over and celebrated more frequently and for longer as each person within a community acknowledges the highs and the lows with each other member. The experience, therefore, is all-encompassing and is felt at a completely different level than it otherwise would if it were a private and personal struggle.
Hamid refers to her longing for “Verzeihen/Vergessen/und Liebe” which is also expressed through her relationships with her “Schwarzen Schwestern”. The longing for forgiveness and forgetting appears to allude to great and painful difficulties in Hamid’s past, the memories of which Hamid longs to be free from. The longing for forgiveness could perhaps refer to Hamid’s decision to leave her homeland, Sudan. As shown above, Hamid is passionate about working towards the rebuilding of Sudan, as she says in an interview for the magazine Stichproben: “Es ist wichtig, dass der Widerstand aus dem Sudan kommt, nicht aus dem Ausland. Wir helfen nicht viel. Die, die im Sudan aktiv sind haben ihre Füße am Boden, wir sind weit weg.”[22] At the end of the stanza Hamid expresses her longing for “Liebe” which is expressed, too, through her reaching out to and finding comfort and common ground in her “Schwarzen Schwestern”
This poem, too, ends with a strong and positive image of solidarity, hope for a better future. The first three lines of the second stanza encapsulates Hamid’s message in this poem:
Schwarze Schwestern
Hand in Hand
Herz an Herz
The image „Hand in Hand“ alludes to affirmative, collective action taken by women in the African Community to work together towards “Befreiung”. “Herz an Herz” refers to the shared emotional openness amongst African women which Hamid celebrates at the beginning of this poem. The “Befreiung” which Hamid refers to could have a number of different levels of meaning. As Hamid is engaged in the process to bring peace back to Sudan, it could be a reference to the ‘freeing’ of her homeland. However, Hamid is also passionately engaged in working with African women in Vienna against the racist attitudes and behaviour they face in Austria. Since the image presents a collective move towards the “Befreiung”, it would appear to be freeing from a collectively suffered oppression, as opposed to freedom from a personal and private struggle in the lives of the women.
Eure Sprache
This poem is about the solidarity that Hamid feels with fellow African women. Hamid also expresses the pride she takes in her identity as a ‘black woman’.
Gefährte
Gefährten sind wir auf dem Weg
verbunden in Traum und Leidenschaft
unsere Hërzen sind verflochten, wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt
Eifrig bin ich dann und heiter
wenn er mich unsichtbar berührt
Meine Träume stehen aufrecht
voll Leidenschaft
und Wehmut
und sehnsüchtig entrücke ich
wenn er erblüht
wie Buchstaben
wie verstreute Sterne
die mich erkennen
Ich bin eine Frau
eine Frau für die Armen
eine Frau für die Gedanken der Frauen
und für das Seufzen meiner Heimat
Ich bin eine Fremde
Er begleitet mich
in meiner Ausgrenzung
in meiner Einsamkeit
und Wehmut
Er tantzt mit mir am Anfang
und in der Mitte des Traumes
er verlässt mich erst
wenn die Früchte meiner Hoffnung
in Buchstaben erblühen
Gefährten sind wir
unsere Herzen verflechten sich ineinander
wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt
Fremde sind wir
mein Bleistift und ich
In the poem Gefährte Hamid describes her relationship with creativity, particularly as expressed through writing. The ‘Gefährte’ to whom Hamid refers in the poem is her pencil, symbolic of a tool which enables creative expression. Hamid implies that this creative expression is an outlet which acts as a means by which to survive and that it accompanies her wherever she goes, whatever ever experience she may be living through:
Gefährten sind wir auf dem Weg
verbunden in Traum und Leidenschaft
The poem is self-reflective, in the sense that it is the product of the process of creatio described by Hamid in this poem.
Hamid exposes in this poem her feelings associated with being ‘foreign’ in a foreign land. The first of these is “Erschöpfung”. In a beautifully lyric and melancholy phrase, Hamid writes how she and her ‘Bleistift’ are “besiegt” by exhaustion. By her use of the first person plural throughout the poem, experiences which may otherwise sound stark and lonely, are given a warmth since they are described throughout as being shared with a companion. The ‘Bleistift’ is further personified as it is described as an active subject:
Eifrig bin ich dann und heiter
wenn er mich unsichtbar berührt
Making the ‘Bleistift’ the active subject of this sentence emphasises the important role that the outlet of creative expression plays in Hamid’s life. Hamid’s dreams as described full of “Leidenschaft” and “Wehmut” as blossoming into letters. As demonstrated by her political engagement and by the passion she feels for the collective cause of her fellow African ‘sisters’, Hamid is very passionate and this is clearly reflected in her writing. Hamid’s writing also demonstrates her suffering, both in personal struggles and her collective struggles in the policitical engagements with the African community. Writing however, ‘delights’ Hamid as she sees her inner feelings, passions and suffering blossom “wie Buchstaben/wie verstreute Sterne”. According to this description which depicts creativity as an act of new birth, it is fact that the writing process produces tangible ‘blossoms’ and communicable expression and artistic beauty (“Sterne”) which brings Hamid such delight. For her experience is able to be translated into a product which reflects her and “knows” her. It is perhaps recognition for which Hamid longs. Recognintion comes through understanding, and understanding through hearing, and hearing through telling. Through writing Hamid is able to tell her story. And now, Hamid is able to communicate her story to, not only a new audience, but an audience which has been perhaps out of reach of people in her position in the Austria society. Hamid, a member of a marginalised minority, has been able to use the language of the majority to communicate. This is an extremely empowering act. The idea of being known, conveyed in the last line of the second stanza by the word ‘erkennen’ appears to be at the heart of the objective for writing, as described in the poem, and indeed of this very collection of poetry.
Hamid’s use of the language does not represent and embittered protest, however simply a competent and artistic mode of expression. In other examples of migrant peotry by Black authors, such as examples by May Ayim or Grace M. Latigo, the German language is treated very differently. One significant difference between Hamid’s writing and that of Ayim or Latigo which is worthwhile making note of, is Hamid’s use of capitalisation. Hamid shows respect for the capitalisation rules of German grammar by upholding capitalisation of the nouns. When a poet has chosen not to follow German rules of capitalisation, the text takes on a strong sense of protest. The poem comes across as an act of defiance, whereby the author decides to disregard the language rules and legitimise expression without an adherence to them. With Ishraga’s poetry, there is a greater sense of respect for the German language, where the language is viewed as a means to an end: communication between the a representative of the African minority and the Austria majority. As previously mentioned, the empowerment is perhaps more found here in the ability to communicate rather than dominate.
Another element of being a foreigner in a foreign land expressed by Hamid in this poem is her solidarity with her homeland. In this stanza Hamid describes herself as “eine Frau/… für das Seufzen meiner Heimat”. Here Hamid shows that she hears the„Seufzen“ of the people of her homeland and is committed to them. Hamid shows here the impossibility for her of leaving behind completely the troubles suffered by the people of her “Heimat”. Here the use of the word “Heimat” demonstrated the inherent connectedness one feels to their place of origin. Even though it is described as a place of tears, Hamid is not willing or able to turn her back on it. Hamid also refers to her particularly strong commitment to the “Gedanken der Frauen” and the cause of feminism (feminism ‘des Südens’).
Approximately half-way through the poem Hamid exposes the theme has underpinned the poem to this point, and continues to the end.
Ich bin eine Fremde
Hamid makes a simple and unambiguous statement which exposes what lies at the heart of the issues presented in the poem: foreignness. The results of her foreignness in Austria are presented in the following stanza as “Ausgrenzung”, “Einsamkeit” and “Wehmut”, as already stated in the first stanza.
The creative process is alluded to again at the beginning of the next stanza in the image used of ‘dancing’:
Er tantzt mit mir am Anfang
The creative process is described again using imagery from nature as a productive process. The products of the creative process are “die Früchte [ihrer] Hoffnung”. In the self reflective nature of this poem, this line is very significant. Here Hamid describes her poetry as the fruits of her ‘hope’, or perhaps ‘hopefulness’. This is very meaningful as this can often be clearly seen reflected in Hamid’s poems, and indeed in the title of the collection. As has been already been seen in the above analysis of “Rosen für Omofuma”, a common characteristic of Hamid’s poetry is a turning point midway through, where the mood of the poem is raised by Hamid adding an injection of hope. In the poem Rosemarie the beginning presents a bleak situation:
Steine wurden mir in den Weg gelegt
mit Steinen werde ich beworfen
meine Seele schmerzt[23]
However, immediately following these lines, Hamid writes:
Aber noch träume ich
noch sind meine Schritte wach[24]
The second half the poem (which appears to be written about Rosemarie Zehetgruber, the person to whom the collection is dedicated) is filled with warmth and hope:
du bist die Rose
die mir Kraft gibt
du, Marie, ein schönes Lied
das wir anstimmen
die Kinder, die Sonne und ich[25]
Likewise the poem Ilse is neatly divided into two halves. Without the need for careful analysis, it is plain to see that after the mentioning of the name “Ilse” at the beginning of the second stanza, the picture being painted by Hamid is not nearly so desolate:
Mir ist die Welt zu eng
kein Platz für meine Seele
wie ein nackter Baum stehe ich an der Weggabelung
knorrig
verzweifelt
stumm
entsetzt
Ilse
du bist wie eine Regenwolke
deine Seele öffnet sich mir so weit
wie ich mir die Welt wünsche
du bist wie ein Regenbogen
der den nackten Baum
mit Farbe schmückt
Ich bin nicht allein
der knorrige Baum blüht[26]
The last line summarises the metamorphosis of the poem with the image of new life springing from a gnarled old tree. There are a number of such examples of this characteristic turn in Hamid’s poetry. Often signalled by an image depicting new life, many of Hamid’s poems communicate the unceasing hope that Hamid has, the fruit born of her “Hoffnung”.
At the end of the second last stanza of the poem Hamid repeats an idea initially raised in the first stanza:
unsere Herzen verflechten sich ineinander
wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt[27]
This repetition shows that this is a cyclic process in Hamid’s life. Life as a foreigner in s foreign land is continually exhausting, however, the creative process inspires the hope within Hamid and the fruit of this hopefulness is born, poetry is created. By the end of the poem, the “Einsamkeit” mentioned earlier in the poem is resolved when Hamid concludes in the first person plural:
Fremde sind wir
mein Bleistift und ich[28]
Ablehnung
Wann führen meine müden Schritte mich nach Süden
die Träume und Lieder meiner Sehnsucht sind erschöpft
Ich will zurück
dorthin wo ich mich zurechtfinde
Muttererde
wo ich singe für eine Welt ohne Grenzen
Wann kehre ich in mein altes Zimmer zurück
zu meinen alten Liedern
zu meinen alten Träumen
Ich will zurück
in eine neue Heimat
die Frauen leidenschaftlich umarmt
Meine Schritte sind müde
die Fremdheit frisst mich auf
ewige Trauer umhüllt mich
ich bin entfremdet
Ich bin einsam
entsetzt, wenn ich die Plakate lese
Wien darf nicht Chicago werden
Ausländer raus
entsetzt, wenn ich Jobangebote lese
Nur für Inländer
Mein Engagement
meine Qualifikation
lehnen sie ab
weil ich eine Frau bin
weil ich eine Schwarze bin
weil sie finden,
dass meine Sprache komisch klingt
Sie lehnen mich ab
Wann führen meine müden Schritte mich zurück
in den Schoß meiner Heimat
die schon lange auf meine Rückkehr wartet.[29]
The poem Ablehnung is the cry of an exhausted woman who is being ‘eaten up by foreignness’ and longs for the relief of familiarity.
The place of longing is described in the first line as the “Süden”. However it appears throughout the poem that is not simply her homeland for which Hamid longs. Hamid write in the second stanza that she wants to go back to “Muttererde/wo [sie] sing[t] für eine Welt ohne Grenzen”. It is not clear what is being denoted by the name “Muttererde”, although it seems to be a term chosen by Hamid to encapsulate the associations of acceptance, warmth and freedom which appear in stark contrast to Hamid’s feelings of foreignness. The world without borders is a utopian images with echoes of Hamid’s poem Eine Erde für uns alle, where Hamid writes:
Heute bleibt meine Sehnsucht
zwischen Himmel und Erde gefangen
meine Füße wollen die Erden spüren
wollen vor offenen Türen stehen[30]
The world without borders echoes Hamid’s description of a world of „open doors“. However, in Eine Erde für uns alle Hamid recognises the utopian nature of her longing:
es brannte die Sehnsucht nach einer Welt
die nicht existieren will[31]
Hamid describes in the third stanza of Ablehnung her longing to return to things of her past, her ‘old’ room and ‘old’ songs of her past. However, directly following this Hamid does not express wanting to go back to the ‘old’:
Ich will zurück
in eine neue Heimat
die Frauen leidenschaftlich umarmt[32]
As if to acknowlege the shortcomings of her homeland, for which in the end Hamid was forced to leave, Hamid longs for a „neue Heimat“. The concept of a new homeland is itself inherently contradictory. “Heimat” denotes a place of origin, by its very nature originary and therefore unable to be updated or replaced.
In the the stanza which follows, Hamid reflects on the destruction and the exhaustion she feels as a result of her foreignness. The “ewige Trauer” exposes the depth of the pain felt by Hamid by her foreignness. The following stanza outlines the reasons for which being a foreigner in Vienna is particularly painful.
Ich bin einsam
entsetzt, wenn ich die Plakate lese
Wien darf nicht Chicago werden
Ausländer raus
entsetzt, wenn ich Jobangebote lese
Nur für Inländer[33]
Hamid makes a statement here about the blatant and outward racism which features in the Viennese society; about racist headlines and discriminatory employment advertisments. Hamid records that the effect of these is loneliness and disgust. Hamid follows this paragraph which a listing of her achievements which are simply rejected by the society of her new country.[34] Despite the tertiary studies completed by Hamid in Sudan, including her Masters degree, the University of Vienna insisted that she had to complete a ‘Diplomarbeit’ before she could commence her Magister studies at their institution.[35] Hamid also makes a connection between discrimination for being a woman and for being black:
lehnen sie ab
weil ich eine Frau bin
weil ich eine Schwarze bin[36]
According to Hamid, sexism and racism are inextricably linked and discrimination can not be simplified by assigning it a label as one or the other. In her interview with the Stichproben magazine, Hamid says:
Sexismus, Rassismus, Kolonialismus- das alles ist irgendwie verbunden. Es ist den meisten Frauen zwar bewusst, dass sie diskriminiert werden, jedoch nicht, dass das Geschlecht ein sehr wichtiger Bestandteil dabei ist – Rassismus kann unmöglich von Sexismus getrennt werden.[37]
Continuning on from this, Hamid refers to discrimination on the basis of her „Sprache“. It is this form of racism, in particular, that Hamid is fighting in producing lyric in German. The question remains, however, whether the fact that Hamid’s poetry has not yet been recognised through academic engagement with it (until now) is yet another form of persisting racist attitudes.
The conclusion of this paragraph is that the white majority of Austrians reject Hamid’s idenity, her whole self.
At this conclusion Hamid returns the the beginng and re-states her tired plea to be returned to the comfort of the “Schoß [ihrer] Heimat”.[38]
Vergangenheit
Als ich in mein Paradies zurückkehrte
fand ich nur den Schutt der Erinnerungen
und die Asche alter Erzählungen
Fremde bin ich in meinem Paradies
wo sind meine Sterne geblieben
wo ist ihr prophetisch glänzendes Gesicht
Als ich zurückkehrte
war ich nicht mehr ich
ich war eine andere
die Sterne erkannten mich nicht
Nur die Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit ist geblieben[39]
This poem is about the change that a person undergoes upon crossing a frontier, which becomes most evident when that person tries to return from whence s/he came. Hamid questions her own notion of identity and depicts the complex loss one feels when losing a sense of one’s one identity.
In the first line Hamid refers to what appears to be the land of origin as her “Paradies”. By using the word ‘paradise’ to describe the country of origin, Hamid captures the way in which a migrant will develop a romanticised idea of their homeland while being away in the adopted country. When a migrant lacks a sense of belonging, it is common to have overly positive memories of their home country which is a projection of everything which they feel they are missing in their new society. The stark reality is brought home in the second line where, in place of her ‘paradise’, Hamid only finds “den Schutt der Erinnerungen/und die Asche alte Erzählungen”.[40] Hamid highlights the hollowness of the comfort of memories when the migrant returns to their homeland.When romanticised impressions of their country of origin have been base upon memories of good times, it is a particularly great shock to come home to the reality that those former times have past and the country as you remember it no longer exists.
In the second stanza Hamid mourns the fact that she now feels like a foreigner in her own country.
Fremde bin ich in meinem Paradies[41]
The tragedy of this is clear in the juxtaposition of the ideas of paradise and foreignness. Hamid no longer has a place in a land which she had conceived as her paradise. In the following lines Hamid depicts her sense of disorietation at this great loss:
wo sind meine Sterne geblieben
wo ist ihr prophetisch glänzendes Gesicht[42]
The stars here could represent a guiding force, as in the next line she refers to the ‚face’ of her paradise as ‚prophetic’. Hamid has lost her guiding stars, her sense of direction.
Hamid alludes to another reason for being a foreigner in her own paradise as being that she had fundamentally changed:
Als ich zurückkehrte
war ich nicht mehr ich
ich war eine andere
die Sterne erkannten mich nicht[43]
Aside from the fact that the country has no remained as Hamid remembers it, Hamid herself has also changed. The image of the stars no longer recognising her, is a very poignant image. Not being recognised by people that Hamid considers the very ones to whom she belongs is a very painful realisation. As has been seen in the poem Gefährte, as a foreigner Hamid has longed for recognition. Now, upon her homecoming, the ‘stars’ have not recognised her. The image is one of stark loneliness.
This image of the stars conveys to a Western reader a sense of the cliché idea that people from Africa associate more closely than Westerners with nature. The personification of the stars could appear to allude to a relationship with the stars that one may have in Africa. It may also, however, be no more than simply symbolic,
The sense of loneliness is only further developed in the last line:
Nur die Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit ist geblieben
Longing for the past is not only futile, but in this context it is also tragic. Not only a foreigner elsewhere, Hamid has come to feel like an alien in her own country, amongst her own people. When one is fundamentally changed upon crossing a frontier, however, once there, can not belong, the only place in which s/he belongs is the past. Hamid powerfully depicts the loneliness of being a citizen of the past.
This poem could be based upon Hamid’s experience during the first trip which Hamid made in 1999 back to the Sudan, six years after having arrived in Austria. In an interview with Stichproben, Hamid says the following in regards to this trip:
Ich war jetzt nach sechs Jahren im Sommer zum ersten Mal wieder im Sudan. Das war für mich ein Schock. Ich habe mich in meinem eigenen Land fremd gefühlt... Einen Monat lang war ich total fremd, insgesamt war ich drei Monate dort. Ich kenne niemanden mehr, alle Gesichter waren mir fremd, ich traute niemandem. Ich hatte Angst, auch vor meiner eigenen Familie; die haben das aber auch gemerkt. Wenn ich in einem bestimmten Zimmer war, und sie wollten sich mit mir unterhalten, bin ich einfach gegangen. Wenn sie zu Besuch in den Hof kamen, bin ich ins Haus gegangen. Dieses Gefühl hat mich einen Monat lang beherrscht. Ich habe geweint, ich habe auch ein Gedicht geschrieben. Die Fremdheit wird mich als Frau überallhin verfolgen. In Wien hier fühle ich mich fremd, und dort fühle ich mich auch fremd.[44]
Hamid reports having written a poem during her this time, and despite not being able whether this is that poem, it does reflect the sense of feeling estranged from the past and thereby the homeland. In Vergangenheit Hamid refers to the “Asche alter Erzählungen”, which is a vivid depiction of an event which is finished and belongs to the past. In the same article Hamid refers to her shock at what she viewed as backward steps that had taken place in the feminst movement since her time living in Sudan:
Früher gab es im Sudan eine starke Frauenbewegung, die sehr viel erreicht hat... Aber unsere erkämpften Rechte haben wir verloren. Eine Frau auf der Straße wird immer kontrolliert. Ich habe das selbst…erlebt. Ich war mit meinem Mann unterwegs, und der Taxifahrer hat uns gefragt, ob wir Dokumente haben, die uns als Ehepaar ausweisen.[45]
Hamid talks about the activism which had changed legislation to move the country towards gender equality in the 1960s, which now upon her visit back to Sudan appeared nothing more than issues discussed amongst activists, „Asche alter Erzählungen”.[46]
Read after the poem Ablehnung, which appears earlier in the collection, the sentiments expressed in this poem are particularly tragic. In Ablehnung, the object of Hamid’s longing is her return to her homeland, “die schon lange auf [ihre] Rückkehr wartet”.[47] However, according to Hamid in Vergangenheit “Als [sie] zurrückkehrte…die Sterne erkannte [sie] nicht”[48]
Zeitungsverkäufer
Wir sind gleich
auch wenn der Norden Nord genannt wird und der Süden Süd genannt wird
auch wenn die Jugend des Südens in den Traum vom Norden
flüchtet
in den Traum, in Würde zu arbeiten, zu leben
in den Norden der Gerechtigkeit
und des Respekts vor den Menschenrechten
Wir sind gleich
Zeitungsverkäufer, du läufst durch den Schnee
und deine schwarzen Augen brennen wir Kohlen
halten Ausschau
nach Arbeit in Würde
nach Identität
nach Gerechtigkeit
Lass mich nicht allein, Zeitungsverkäufer
gib mir dein Herz
deine Arme
lass uns kämpfen gegen die Armut des Südens
lass uns singen für die Sonne
die sich hinter den Kakao- und Kaffeefeldern hebt[49]
In the poem Gefährte Hamid writes that she is “eine Frau für die Armen”.[50] In this poem Hamid shows her compassion for and solidarity with the marginalised in a delicate and powerful poem, Zeitungsverkäufer.
As mentioned above, Trotzdem singe ich is dedicated to Rosemarie Zehetgruber, “die niemals vergessen hat, ihre Arme für [Hamid] zu öffnen. Sie hat [Hamid’s] erschöpften Seele Mut und Kraft gegeben“.[51] In the poem entitled Rosemarie that which Hamid celebrates utmost about Rosemarie is her „Menschlichkeit“:
Inmitten meines Kummers und meiner Trauer
stehst du mit deiner beruhigenden Menschlichkeit[52]
‚Menschlichkeit’ is a theme of much of Hamid’s poetry. In Zeitungsverkäufer Hamid demonstrates own ‘Menschlichkeit’ by way of solidarity. However, unlike such demonstrations in other poems such as ‚Rosen für Omofuma’ and ‚Meine Schwarzen Schwestern’ here Hamid is identifying with a white Austria who, like the African population, resides in a marginalise position in society.
In Vienna the newspaper salemen stands on streetcorners, near bus stops and in U-Bahn stations. Their goods – newspapers and magazines – are laid out along the ground and they wear an oversized flourescent yellow or orange rain jacket with the name of one of the newspapers they sell emblazened across the back.[53] The newspaper salemen work long hours; they ‘open’ in time to catch the morning peak hour, and are still there when people are returning from work of an evening. The salesmen often stand outside without any protection against the elements, even in the winter months.
From the opening line in this poem, Hamid demonstrate her commonality with the newspaper salesmen: “Wir sind gleich”.[54] Despite the difference in background which may exists between them, Hamid sees them united through current circumstance. Hamid refers to projections of the ‘northern’ European states with which people from the ‘south’ (the African states) grow up and even ‘flee’ their home country to enjoy: “den Traum, in Würde zu arbeiten, zu leben/in den Norden der Gerechtigkeit/und des Respekts vor den Menschenrechten”.[55]
The second paragraph, however, presents a picture of someone living under the system of the ‘north’ who strives to uphold the values of the north, however, this integrity comes at a fairly high price. Hamid refers the exposure of these men to the elements by her allusion to the snow, and the long hours they work in the depiction of their intense gaze, watching and waiting for customers:
Zeitungsverkäufer, du läufst durch den Schnee
und deine schwarzen Augen brennen wir Kohlen
halten Ausschau[56]
According to Hamid, these salemen strive in their efforts to uphold an honest occupation and thereby identity with integrity. They also seek ‘justice’. Despite their different paths, Hamid can relate intimately with the struggles and hardship which are endured by figure in society such as the newspaper salemen who work hard without seeing much reward. Hamid presents these figures with compassion as men of strength and dignity, despite what adversity they may face. The ‘Schnee’ which need to plough through is also symbolic of the hardship faced by them daily, including facing their position in a society which shows little regard for them.Hamid pays tribute to them.
In the final paragraph, Hamid demonstrates her passionate solidarity with them their common struggles. Hamid not only accepts the ‘Zeitungsverkäufer’, she extends her arms to embrace them, asked them to offer her their ‘heart’, containing whatever sorrows and dreams they may possess. Hamid suggests a shift in focus for the ‘Zeitungsverkäufer’, that they may “kämpfen gegen die Armut des Südens”, an empowering suggestion implying that the newspaper salesmen’s existence can represent more than selling newspapers to an unappreciative society. Hamid here, again, ends the poem on a very positive note, with images infused with images from nature and with an ‘African’ (or at least, non-European) flavour:
lass uns singen für die Sonne
die sich hinter den Kakao- und Kaffeefeldern hebt[57]
As in Rosen für Omofuma the sun represents hope, which, as presented here by Hamid, resides in the cocoa and coffee fields of the African countryside. This idea resolves the unfulfilled vision of the ‘north’ that people of the ‘south’ possess in their youth by suggesting that now hope may truly lie in the difference which they can make in the lands of the south.
[1] The female students were required by the University to wear a veil. About this experience, Ishraga reflects, “Im Sudan hat mich das damals sehr gestört und ich habe dagegen gekämpft. Frauen sollen anhaben was sie wollen und nicht gezwungen werden, etwas Bestimmtes zu tragen. Für mich ist es erstaunlich, dass sich mein Bewusstsein zu diesem Thema in Österreich sich verändert hat. Jetzt solidasiere ich mich mit den Frauen, die Kopftücher tragen!“ Zimt duftet in Wien
[2] Zimt
[3] Zimt
[4] Zimt
[5] The VIDC is an Institute of the Österreichisch Entwicklungszusammenarbeit. On their website, their objective is outlined as follows: „das wiener institut für entwicklungsfragen und zusammen arbeit engagiert sich vorrangig in forschungen zur entwicklungszusammenarbeit und nord-süd-themen. die abteilung
[6] http://auslandshilfe.diakonie.at/Data/content/MediaDB/content/AH/content/downloadable-files-allgemein/1136196504/Jahresbericht%2004%20Diakonie%20Auslandshilfe.pdf
[7] ibid
[8] Standard
[9]http://derstandard.at/?url=/?page=onlinesuche%26respage=0%26cp=dieStandard%2FdiePolitik%26artstatus=AktivArchiv%26query=Ishraga+Mustafa+Hamid%26mode=extern%26source=alle%26oldcp=dieStandard%2FdiePolitik%26ressort=alle%26sdatum=alles%26udatum=31.12.2001%26sort=time%26vdatum=
[10] auslandshilfe
[11] ibid
[12] Forward TSI
[13] Can you find where?
[14] TSI 24
[15] TST 14
[16] Website and expanation
[17] TSI 14
[18] Who says it’s them – maybe its leftist politics. NO!
[19] TSI 14
[20] TSI 14
[21] TSI 14
[22] Zimt 91
[23] TSI 15
[24] Ibid
[25] TSI 15
[26] TSI 18
[27] TSI 10
[28] ibid
[29] tsi 41-42
[30] tsi 13
[31] tsi 13
[32] tsi 41
[33] tsi 41
[34] It is not clear whom Hamid is referring to when she writes that they reject her “Engagement”. It is possible that it refers to the gross racial imbalance amongst relief workers in Vienna. In an article on the subject by Beatrice Achaleke, Achaleke reports the reluctance of aid-workers working with African imigrants to employ people of African descent, despite an apparent unique qualification for the position. Achaleke writes: Nach dem Motto: "Ihr seid ja so arm, aber macht euch keine Sorgen, wir sind für euch da", werden MigrantInnen afrikanischer Herkunft ständig in die Opferrolle gedrängt. Mit viel Mitleid, vorgetäuschter Einfühlsamkeit und Fürsorge werden sie auf raffinierte Art und Weise zum Schweigen gebracht. Anschließend wird ihnen Inkompetenz, mangelnde Qualifikation, Faulheit etc. vorgeworfen.“ Perhaps Hamid is referring to an unwillingness on the part of her ‚white counterparts’ to work together. (http://igkultur.at/igkultur/kulturrisse/1086766500/1086769086)
[35] Zimt 88
[36] tsi 41-42
[37] http://www.univie.ac.at/ecco/stichproben/Nr2_Christiansen_Englert.pdf
[38] 42
[39] TSI 62
[40] TSI ibid
[41] TSI 62
[42] tsi 62
[43] tsi 62
[44] Zimt 91 & 93
[45] Zimt 93
[46] TSI 62
[47] tsi 42
[48] tsi 62
[49] tsi 40
[50] tsi 9
[51] tsi iii
[52] tsi 15
[53] Most wear a jacket sponsored by the “Kronenzeitung”, a tabloid newspaper read by approximately 3 million Austrians daily and which has in the past aligned itslef closely with FPÖ campaigns and policy. Ironically, many newspaper sales-people are immigrants.
[54] tsi 40
[55] tsi 40
[56] tsi 40
[57] tsi 40
Tanja Binggeli
0111259
Department of Germanic Studies
German Honours IV Long Essay
Supervisor: Dr Andrea Bandhauer
University of Sydney
2006
“[T]he truest eye may now belong to the migrant’s double vision”
Homi K. Bhabha
Ishraga Mustafa Hamid
Ishraga Mustafa Hamid is a Sudanese-Austrian currently living and working in Vienna. Ishraga arrived in Austria in 1993 after being accepted as a student at the University of Vienna.
Ishraga was born in 1961 in Kosti, a city approximately 250km south of the capital, Khartoum and part of the coutry’s majority muslim north. Born into a Muslim family, Ishraga attended primary school and high school in Kosti, before moving to Omdurman in 1985 to study at the Islamic University of Omduran. Here Ishraga completed a degree in Publizistik and journalism*.[1] Ishraga completed her degree with the result “very good with honour” and after this continued on with work Hamid commenced as a student in 1985 as a freelance journalist. Hamid also had a number of articles, poetry and prose published during this period. In 1991 Ishraga returned to study, enrolling in the Postgraduate College at the University of Khartoum where, in 1992, Ishraga completed a ‘high degree Diploma in Communication’. After the completion of her second degree, Ishraga worked as a radio journalist for ‘Radio Obdurman’ on a program called ‘People and the Environment’ before preparing to leave the Sudan for Austria.
Ishraga had begun her political involvement while at highschool in the Sudan with the feminist movement. This was for Ishraga not just a political awakening, but Ishraga recalls “[d]urch mein Engagement hat sich mein Bewusstsein entwickelt und auch verändert. Ich hatte mich zum ersten Mal als Frau wahrgenommen.“[2] Through her involvement with the feminist movement Ishraga began to become occupied with politics in the Sudan, the situation of women in her country, the environment, as well as the war in the South.[3] However, with the coming to power of the Military Regime in 1989 under General Lieutenant Omer el Beshir, life became very difficult for those who were or had previously been politically active. “Nachdem das Regime…an die Macht kam, kamen alle Personen, die politisch aktiv waren auf die Watchlist. Es was schwierig, einen Job im Sudan zu finden, obwohl ich mit sehr guten Noten abgeschlossen hatte.“[4] So amidst the political unrest that was taking over Sudan, Ishraga left for Austria.
Ishraga moved to Austria in 1993 after being accepted as a student by the University of Vienna. Ishraga enrolled in a Masters (Magister) program in Pubizistik- und Kommunikationswissenschaft, however, before undertaking study towards her Masters, Ishraga had to complete a number of courses prescribed by the University, aswell as complete a Diplomarbeit as her studies in Sudan were not completely recognised. After the completion of her Diplomarbeit in 1997, Ishraga commenced work on her Magister and also worked on a number of studies into the situation of immigrants n Vienna, particularly that of African women. One of the first studies which Ishraga completed in Vienna, “Integration zwischen Regen und Fata Morgana, Ansichten und Aussichten afrikanischer Migrantinnen in Wien”, was completed during 1997 and 1998 and was presented at a Work Conference at the University of Graz in 1999 entitled “Black and White – African European Identities”.
Ishraga has also worked closely alongside Dr Erwinn Ebermann in his research on the state of the African population in Vienna. Dr Ebermann’s book, Afrikaner in Wien (2002) features a number of studies and surveys undertaken by Ishraga Mustafa Hamid as well as summary of the results written by Hamid herself (as referred to in the second chapter).
Whilst working towards her Magister in Austria, Ishraga has worked for a number of organisations and institutions, as well as having had a number of articles and works of literature published as well as having been a lecturer at the University of Vienna in the Institute of Political Science since 2001.
In 1998/1999 Ishraga was a coordinator of seminars to raise awareness on the topic of ‘The development in Africa from a Genderperspective” in Osttirol. Ishraga also worked during this time as a researcher for the Wiener Intergrationsfond and following this, Ishraga was contracted by the advocacy group Frauensolidarität and and the City of Vienna as a researcher into issues concerning women’s health and rights.
In 2002 Ishraga was hired as a Project Manager by the Wiener Institut für Entwicklungszusammenarbeit (VIDC) on a project called ‘Gender Pool’.[5]
Between 1997-2002 Ishraga had several articles published in the magazine for Frauensolidarität, dealing primarily with issues concerning the question of gender, democracy and development. Ishraga has also made contributions to a number of anthologies published by Milena Verlag. These include „Die Spraches des Widerstandes ist alt wie die Welt und ihr Wunsch“ (2000) and „Eure Sprache ist nicht meine Sprache“ (2002). In addition to this, Ishraga’s work appears in an anthology of 100 authors whose work was compiled by Helmuth A. Niederle called “Fremde in mir”.
In August 2005 Ishraga was the convenor of a conference in Vienna which was run in conjunction with an NGO co-founded and chaired by Hamid called NilDonau: für Entwicklung und Friedenskultur. The conference was given the title “A Networking Conference Across Borders: The Challenges and Strategies of Sudanese Women for Democratic Change and the Rebuilding of Sudan.” and the aim of the conference was to bring together female representatives of civil society from all parts of the world to work on “perspectives” for the rebuilding in Sudan, and particularly to focus on the unique contribution that women are able to make toward the peace and democratization process.[6] In regards what is required for a successful rebuilding of the society in the Sudan, Hamid says:
Aus meiner Sicht braucht es die Trennung von Religion und Staat, viel Bewusstseinsbildung bei den jungen Menschen und eine aktive Beteiligung von Frauen am Friedensprozess.[7]
In another article reporting on the conference, Hamid shares her strong belief in the need for a ‚culture of peace’, „Wir müssen eine Kultur des Friedens schaffen. Nur ein Abkommen zu schließen reicht nicht“.[8]Hamid explains that women need to take an active role in the peace process as they are good examples in the area of “Bewusstseinsbildung und Erziehung”: Sie können sich leichter die Hand reichen und miteinander versöhnlich sprechen.[9] The conference brought together women representing Sudan’s Islamic north wth women representing the Christian south. Hamid said was deemed by Hamid a success as “[d]ie Frauen aus dem Süden haben mit den Frauen aus dem Norden gesprochen... und [sie] haben das mit viel Kraft und Humor gut geschafft“
Hamid describes her self a human rights activist and feminist: “[m]eine
Basis sind die Menschenrechte und die Frauenrechte im Besonderen“.[10] However, Hamid is often asked how she balances her feminist convictions with her muslim faith. This is Hamid’s reponse in an interview after the NilDonau conference last year:
Was den Feminismus betrifft, so kann ich nur sagen, dass ich mich für Frauenanliegen einsetze. Dass diese mitunter in muslimischen
Gesellschaften andere sind als in westlichen, ist klar. Ich analysiere die Lage sozusagen als „Feministin aus dem Süden“.[11]
By contrast to other poetry with a political message by other African writers in Austria, the tone of Ishraga’s poetry tends to be on the whole much more peaceful and positive, focused on hope
The aftrican community is so networked and because of marginalisation and stigmatisation that is truly is a new location from which to speak. Speaking on behalf of many.
Autobiographical aspect to Hamid’s poetry
In the foreward to the collection of poetry, Hamid introduces the collection as follows:
Mir bleibt die Hoffnung, dass meine Worte eure Herzen berühren und eure Körper und Seelen bewegen mögen. Denn das bin ich, ich bin voller Hoffnung, die von Schmerz und Leid begleitet wird. Trotzdem singe ich.[12]
This summary by Ishraga of herself is a profound summary of the poetry in this collection. It would appear that it can be derived from this opening few lines that much of this poetry can be viewed as being strongly autobiographical. At the end of the quoted opening lines Hamid repeats the title of the collection: “Trotzdem singe ich”. Based on the assumption that much of the content of Ishraga’s poetry may be considered autobiographical, the poems which follow this brief introduction could be considered Hamid’s ‘song’.
As a result of this assumption, I will refer often to the sentiments expressed in the poems as being those of the author herself. The potery seems to provide a mode of expression for Hamid as well as (according to the introduction) bridge of communication between herself and a German-speaking white Austrian audience.
Method
Due to the short nature of many of her poems it has been considered best to look at a number which particularly show a spectrum of the thematic material covered by Hamid in this collection
Heimat
In Afrika
In Österreich
In Deutschland
In Südamerika
In Asien
Oder in Nordamerika
Die Menschen sind meine Heimat
The concept of ‘Heimat’ in the German language is one which is often played on in Migrant Literature.[13] The German word can not easily be translated into English. ‘Heimat’ carries a much deeper sense of belonging that the English word ‘home’. Given this depth of meaning and the emphasis on the concept of belonging captured in this word, it is a highly relevent term in the language of those who struggle to know where it is they belong. Hamid has a unique take on the usage of this word in this poem entitle Heimat.
As the first poem in the volume, ‘Heimat’ would appear to be of special significance. In a way, this poem acts as a short preface to the poems in the rest of the collection by pointing to several key themes which are to appear again and again in the poems which follow.
First of all, ‘Heimat’ introduces the idea that the author has a fairly global perspective. Hamid is someone who thinks across borderlines, oceans and racial lines. Very quickly, the reader is transported from the secure concept with the title ‘Heimat’, around the ‘four corners’ of the globe. The concept of ‘Heimat’ is defined by borders and antithesis. The word ‘Heimat’ is often used to refer to the ‘homeland’, clearly emphasising the sense of solidarity with those who reside within the nation’s borders. In her poem, however, Hamid effectively empties the word of this meaning. In the poem, the concept of ‘Heimat’ is stretched almost inconceivably to a German-speaking reader to encompass the entire world, effectively emptying the word of its traditional meaning. here we see Hamid’s playing subtly with the German language (Entfremdung) in a way which is (almost?) beyond a native speaker.
Knowing German as a foreign language, the words sit above a pre-existing framework of meaning in Hamid’s mind. It is, therefore, easier for Hamid to understand fairly objectively the power of meaning of the word ‘Heimat’ and use it to communicate in a new way.
Ishraga creates a (geographical) tension in this poem between the title and the places named in the first 6 lines. This tension, however, is resolved by Hamid in the last line:
Die Menschen sind meine Heimat[14]
With this line the first tension is resolved, only to establish another. The geographical understanding of the word ‘Heimat’ is replaced by a very abstract concept. The German-speaking audience is being challenged once again to be flexible with the meaning ascribed to the word ‘Heimat’.It is not, however, that Hamid intends to empty the word of its meaning entirely. The objective appears to be to stretch the meaning of the meaning in order for it to be able to be applied to a different, perhaps even new, object. The association of belonging is to be disconnected from a geographical location and applied to a universal humanity. The ‘Oder’ in the last line of the poem disrupts the rhythmic flow of the poem, creating a pause. This pause could be considered a pause of reflection before continuing with the final place name, “in Nordamerika”. This could possibly be a political statement against the administration in the US and their actions on the world political stage. (Hamid is a muslim who may be at odds with the Bush administration’s Christian policies.)
Rosen für Omofuma
Wir weinen nicht um dich
wir weinen um die Sonne der Freiheit, die unterging
als zwei Vögel auf deinen Schultern geschlachtet wurden
in deinen Augen wurden unsere Träume getötet
auf deinen Lippen wurden Wolken gefangen
Wir weinen nicht um dich
bis unsere Qualen enden
trotzdem singen wir
unsere Trommeln verstummen nicht
wir pflanzen dich in unsere Kinder
Es blüht ein Baum, bunt
in seinem Schatten
singen wir für Gleichheit
This poem by Hamid refers directly to the death of Marcus Omofuma who died whilst in police custody in 1999.
With political overtones and the feel of a song of solidarity, this poem speaks of a collective sadness at the loss represented by the death of Marcus Omofuma at the hands of an Austrian State authority. However, Ishraga lifts the mood of the poem half way through with a message of hope in the face of persecution.
Ishraga uses the first person collective pronoun “wir” in this poem, indicating that her voice in the poem represents the sentiments shared by many others.
The central theme of this poem is hope.
Wir weinen nicht um dich
wir weinen um die Sonne der Freiheit, die Unterging[15]
The poem appears to be communicating a fairly political message. Rather than an obituary to Marcus Omofuma, who does not appear to have been personally known to the author, this poem opens by mourning what the death of Marcus Omofuma at the hands of the Austrian police represents to the collective African community in Austria. What this act represents to the African community is the violence of the Austrian police in its attitude and behaviour towards the African population. Not only this, in the trial of the police who were involved in the incident, the officers were given extremely light sentencing.[16] This demonstration of a seeming ambivalence towards violence against Africans is a very significant blow to a population already very aware of the hostile attitudes of the ‘white’ Austrian majority around them.
Ishraga uses powerful images from nature to depict the loss that this event represents from her perspective. The image of the people crying as they watch the sun go down is one of great hopelessness, as if the sun has gone down for the last time. The images become more violent, representing Omofuma’s death as the slaughtering of two birds on his shoulders. In his death, he has embodied the death of the dreams of the collective group and an unwelcoming future.
in deinen Augen wurden unsere Träume getötet
auf deinen Lippen wurden Wolken gefangen[17]
According to Hamid in this poem, the death of Omofuma represents a huge defeat in the eyes of the African people who have been struggling for recoginition and respect from a white, European society. The fact that Ishraga should see Omofuma’s death a loss for the African population[18] as a whole shows Ishraga’s belief that Omofuma’s death is as a direct result of Omofuma’s race. In this case, it represents such a great loss bu substitution – it could have been anyone of African descent so mitreated in his place, and follows that it could happen to anyone of African descent in the future. Therefore, dreams of living peacefully and in solidarity with their white Austrian neighbours & authorities were crushed through the event of Omofuma’s death.
In the second stanza the poet shows a solidarity with Omofuma personally and puts his death more into the context of the racial struggle of the Africans.
Wir weinen nicht um dich
bis unsere Qualen enden[19]
Here it would appear that Ishraga is saying that the African people can not mourn for him until their suffering has ended, which would appear to imply that Omofuma’s mourning can not begin until the political agenda which his death has raised, has been dealt with. The ‘Qualen’ appears to refer to politcal and social oppression experienced by African immigrants in Austria.
What comes next is very characteristic of Hamid’s poems, particularly when dealing with the theme of hope. Oftening in the midst of lamenting the plight of the African population in Austria in a poem, the first half will present a bleak picture of their situation. However, around half way through the poem there will be a turning point, from which the mood of the poem is lifted completely. The mood shift is usually implies a triumphing over adversity
trotzdem singen wir
unsere Trommeln verstummen nicht
wir pflanzen dich in unsere Kinder[20]
In the second half of the second stanza, Hamid shows her solidarity with Omofuma and alludes to the strength of the African people. Hamid presents the very evocative aural image of the African drumming to represent their collective protest at Omofuma’s death. The image of “planting” Omofuma in their children is used to express the tribute to Omofuma’s life that the African community will pay by ensuring that his name lives on for generations to come.
Particularly interesting in the images chosen by Hamid in this part of the poem is their allusion to fairly stereotypical images held by Westerners of the African ‘Orient’. In the first stanza, Hamid speaks in terms of events in nature to express the sense of loss experienced by the African community at Omofuma’s death. A common assiociation in Orientalist discourse with the African Orient is nature.A western stereotype, which as has been shown, still exists today, is that African people share a special bond with the natural world. Through the use of powerful images from nature to communicate the message in this poem, it appears that Hamid is appealing to these stereotypes in the minds of her German-speaking Austrian audience. Equally, the aural depiction of drumming and singing are two other images closely associated by the West with African tribal traditions. The idea of “planting” Omofuma in their future generations evokes a sense of storytelling. The oral tradition of story-telling is another stereotypical characteristic of people of the Orient in the Orientalis discourse. Hamid, therefore, seems to embrace many images considered, now, fairly stereotypical of the ‘Orient’.
The last stanza features, again, stereotypical images of ‘African’ people. The aural image of collective singing evokes the sounds of the harmonious full tones of an African choir. Singing, particularly in times of oppression, is also an aspect of African culture which the West has clung onto as a part of the ‘Other’ African cutlre. The strong ‘African’ flavour of this image is further strengthened by the fact that the singers are depicted singing outdoors under the shade of a tree that blossoms brightly.
Es blüht ein Baum, bunt
In seinem Schatten
singen wir für Gleichheit[21]
Here another political message in the poem is conveyed., The united chorus of the African community in Austria singing for equality.
In this poem Hamid portrays a tragic loss of hope in the face of the treatment by the Austrian police of fellow African Marcus Omofuma. Hamid, however, shows that through the solidarity of the African community, the “wir” of the poem, this injustice can be overcome, and indeed there is hope for a more positive future. Despite the brutality of the crime and prejudice agaist which Hamid protests, the images of the African protest in the poem are colourful, inspiring and peaceful. Hamid seems to be suggesting that the nature of their protest is at the present time a peaceful one, or perhaps she is calling on fellow people of African descent in Austria to remember their roots and traditional ways and not to answer violence and hatred with more of the same.
Meine Schwarzen Schwestern
Meine Schwarzen Schwestern
Sind meine stärke
Meine Lieder
Mein Stolz
Sie sind meine Sterne
Mein Durst
Meine Sehnsucht
Nach Verzeihen
Vergessen
und
Liebe
Schwarze Schwestern
Hand in Hand
Herz an Herz
Auf dem Weg zu unsere Befreiung
Umarme ich euch
Here Hamid demonstrates the passionate solidarity that she feels with other (‚black’) African women.
The repeated use of the possessive pronous ‘Mein’ in the poem indicates the internalization of sentiments shared amongst women in the African community, as well as identifying vicariously with their struggles and victories. Hamid reeps strength, joy hope and pride from her identification with other African women. The depiction of her “Schwarzen Schwestern” as her “Lieder” links Hamid with the image of singing which is considered by the West as being an inherent part of African tradition. It is also and image of and expression of overflowing sentiment, either joy or sorrow. The description of her ‘sisters’ as being her “Sterne” is an image which is full of hope and inspiration with the reader picturing Hamid literally looking up to them
. In the second half of the first stanza Hamid captures the passion with is intensified by a collective identity. When one shares so passionately and intimately the joys and pain of a whole group of people, the sentiment runs more deeply and becomes a larger issue. Through sharing an issue with many others, the issue will be talked about, cried over and celebrated more frequently and for longer as each person within a community acknowledges the highs and the lows with each other member. The experience, therefore, is all-encompassing and is felt at a completely different level than it otherwise would if it were a private and personal struggle.
Hamid refers to her longing for “Verzeihen/Vergessen/und Liebe” which is also expressed through her relationships with her “Schwarzen Schwestern”. The longing for forgiveness and forgetting appears to allude to great and painful difficulties in Hamid’s past, the memories of which Hamid longs to be free from. The longing for forgiveness could perhaps refer to Hamid’s decision to leave her homeland, Sudan. As shown above, Hamid is passionate about working towards the rebuilding of Sudan, as she says in an interview for the magazine Stichproben: “Es ist wichtig, dass der Widerstand aus dem Sudan kommt, nicht aus dem Ausland. Wir helfen nicht viel. Die, die im Sudan aktiv sind haben ihre Füße am Boden, wir sind weit weg.”[22] At the end of the stanza Hamid expresses her longing for “Liebe” which is expressed, too, through her reaching out to and finding comfort and common ground in her “Schwarzen Schwestern”
This poem, too, ends with a strong and positive image of solidarity, hope for a better future. The first three lines of the second stanza encapsulates Hamid’s message in this poem:
Schwarze Schwestern
Hand in Hand
Herz an Herz
The image „Hand in Hand“ alludes to affirmative, collective action taken by women in the African Community to work together towards “Befreiung”. “Herz an Herz” refers to the shared emotional openness amongst African women which Hamid celebrates at the beginning of this poem. The “Befreiung” which Hamid refers to could have a number of different levels of meaning. As Hamid is engaged in the process to bring peace back to Sudan, it could be a reference to the ‘freeing’ of her homeland. However, Hamid is also passionately engaged in working with African women in Vienna against the racist attitudes and behaviour they face in Austria. Since the image presents a collective move towards the “Befreiung”, it would appear to be freeing from a collectively suffered oppression, as opposed to freedom from a personal and private struggle in the lives of the women.
Eure Sprache
This poem is about the solidarity that Hamid feels with fellow African women. Hamid also expresses the pride she takes in her identity as a ‘black woman’.
Gefährte
Gefährten sind wir auf dem Weg
verbunden in Traum und Leidenschaft
unsere Hërzen sind verflochten, wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt
Eifrig bin ich dann und heiter
wenn er mich unsichtbar berührt
Meine Träume stehen aufrecht
voll Leidenschaft
und Wehmut
und sehnsüchtig entrücke ich
wenn er erblüht
wie Buchstaben
wie verstreute Sterne
die mich erkennen
Ich bin eine Frau
eine Frau für die Armen
eine Frau für die Gedanken der Frauen
und für das Seufzen meiner Heimat
Ich bin eine Fremde
Er begleitet mich
in meiner Ausgrenzung
in meiner Einsamkeit
und Wehmut
Er tantzt mit mir am Anfang
und in der Mitte des Traumes
er verlässt mich erst
wenn die Früchte meiner Hoffnung
in Buchstaben erblühen
Gefährten sind wir
unsere Herzen verflechten sich ineinander
wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt
Fremde sind wir
mein Bleistift und ich
In the poem Gefährte Hamid describes her relationship with creativity, particularly as expressed through writing. The ‘Gefährte’ to whom Hamid refers in the poem is her pencil, symbolic of a tool which enables creative expression. Hamid implies that this creative expression is an outlet which acts as a means by which to survive and that it accompanies her wherever she goes, whatever ever experience she may be living through:
Gefährten sind wir auf dem Weg
verbunden in Traum und Leidenschaft
The poem is self-reflective, in the sense that it is the product of the process of creatio described by Hamid in this poem.
Hamid exposes in this poem her feelings associated with being ‘foreign’ in a foreign land. The first of these is “Erschöpfung”. In a beautifully lyric and melancholy phrase, Hamid writes how she and her ‘Bleistift’ are “besiegt” by exhaustion. By her use of the first person plural throughout the poem, experiences which may otherwise sound stark and lonely, are given a warmth since they are described throughout as being shared with a companion. The ‘Bleistift’ is further personified as it is described as an active subject:
Eifrig bin ich dann und heiter
wenn er mich unsichtbar berührt
Making the ‘Bleistift’ the active subject of this sentence emphasises the important role that the outlet of creative expression plays in Hamid’s life. Hamid’s dreams as described full of “Leidenschaft” and “Wehmut” as blossoming into letters. As demonstrated by her political engagement and by the passion she feels for the collective cause of her fellow African ‘sisters’, Hamid is very passionate and this is clearly reflected in her writing. Hamid’s writing also demonstrates her suffering, both in personal struggles and her collective struggles in the policitical engagements with the African community. Writing however, ‘delights’ Hamid as she sees her inner feelings, passions and suffering blossom “wie Buchstaben/wie verstreute Sterne”. According to this description which depicts creativity as an act of new birth, it is fact that the writing process produces tangible ‘blossoms’ and communicable expression and artistic beauty (“Sterne”) which brings Hamid such delight. For her experience is able to be translated into a product which reflects her and “knows” her. It is perhaps recognition for which Hamid longs. Recognintion comes through understanding, and understanding through hearing, and hearing through telling. Through writing Hamid is able to tell her story. And now, Hamid is able to communicate her story to, not only a new audience, but an audience which has been perhaps out of reach of people in her position in the Austria society. Hamid, a member of a marginalised minority, has been able to use the language of the majority to communicate. This is an extremely empowering act. The idea of being known, conveyed in the last line of the second stanza by the word ‘erkennen’ appears to be at the heart of the objective for writing, as described in the poem, and indeed of this very collection of poetry.
Hamid’s use of the language does not represent and embittered protest, however simply a competent and artistic mode of expression. In other examples of migrant peotry by Black authors, such as examples by May Ayim or Grace M. Latigo, the German language is treated very differently. One significant difference between Hamid’s writing and that of Ayim or Latigo which is worthwhile making note of, is Hamid’s use of capitalisation. Hamid shows respect for the capitalisation rules of German grammar by upholding capitalisation of the nouns. When a poet has chosen not to follow German rules of capitalisation, the text takes on a strong sense of protest. The poem comes across as an act of defiance, whereby the author decides to disregard the language rules and legitimise expression without an adherence to them. With Ishraga’s poetry, there is a greater sense of respect for the German language, where the language is viewed as a means to an end: communication between the a representative of the African minority and the Austria majority. As previously mentioned, the empowerment is perhaps more found here in the ability to communicate rather than dominate.
Another element of being a foreigner in a foreign land expressed by Hamid in this poem is her solidarity with her homeland. In this stanza Hamid describes herself as “eine Frau/… für das Seufzen meiner Heimat”. Here Hamid shows that she hears the„Seufzen“ of the people of her homeland and is committed to them. Hamid shows here the impossibility for her of leaving behind completely the troubles suffered by the people of her “Heimat”. Here the use of the word “Heimat” demonstrated the inherent connectedness one feels to their place of origin. Even though it is described as a place of tears, Hamid is not willing or able to turn her back on it. Hamid also refers to her particularly strong commitment to the “Gedanken der Frauen” and the cause of feminism (feminism ‘des Südens’).
Approximately half-way through the poem Hamid exposes the theme has underpinned the poem to this point, and continues to the end.
Ich bin eine Fremde
Hamid makes a simple and unambiguous statement which exposes what lies at the heart of the issues presented in the poem: foreignness. The results of her foreignness in Austria are presented in the following stanza as “Ausgrenzung”, “Einsamkeit” and “Wehmut”, as already stated in the first stanza.
The creative process is alluded to again at the beginning of the next stanza in the image used of ‘dancing’:
Er tantzt mit mir am Anfang
The creative process is described again using imagery from nature as a productive process. The products of the creative process are “die Früchte [ihrer] Hoffnung”. In the self reflective nature of this poem, this line is very significant. Here Hamid describes her poetry as the fruits of her ‘hope’, or perhaps ‘hopefulness’. This is very meaningful as this can often be clearly seen reflected in Hamid’s poems, and indeed in the title of the collection. As has been already been seen in the above analysis of “Rosen für Omofuma”, a common characteristic of Hamid’s poetry is a turning point midway through, where the mood of the poem is raised by Hamid adding an injection of hope. In the poem Rosemarie the beginning presents a bleak situation:
Steine wurden mir in den Weg gelegt
mit Steinen werde ich beworfen
meine Seele schmerzt[23]
However, immediately following these lines, Hamid writes:
Aber noch träume ich
noch sind meine Schritte wach[24]
The second half the poem (which appears to be written about Rosemarie Zehetgruber, the person to whom the collection is dedicated) is filled with warmth and hope:
du bist die Rose
die mir Kraft gibt
du, Marie, ein schönes Lied
das wir anstimmen
die Kinder, die Sonne und ich[25]
Likewise the poem Ilse is neatly divided into two halves. Without the need for careful analysis, it is plain to see that after the mentioning of the name “Ilse” at the beginning of the second stanza, the picture being painted by Hamid is not nearly so desolate:
Mir ist die Welt zu eng
kein Platz für meine Seele
wie ein nackter Baum stehe ich an der Weggabelung
knorrig
verzweifelt
stumm
entsetzt
Ilse
du bist wie eine Regenwolke
deine Seele öffnet sich mir so weit
wie ich mir die Welt wünsche
du bist wie ein Regenbogen
der den nackten Baum
mit Farbe schmückt
Ich bin nicht allein
der knorrige Baum blüht[26]
The last line summarises the metamorphosis of the poem with the image of new life springing from a gnarled old tree. There are a number of such examples of this characteristic turn in Hamid’s poetry. Often signalled by an image depicting new life, many of Hamid’s poems communicate the unceasing hope that Hamid has, the fruit born of her “Hoffnung”.
At the end of the second last stanza of the poem Hamid repeats an idea initially raised in the first stanza:
unsere Herzen verflechten sich ineinander
wenn die Erschöpfung uns besiegt[27]
This repetition shows that this is a cyclic process in Hamid’s life. Life as a foreigner in s foreign land is continually exhausting, however, the creative process inspires the hope within Hamid and the fruit of this hopefulness is born, poetry is created. By the end of the poem, the “Einsamkeit” mentioned earlier in the poem is resolved when Hamid concludes in the first person plural:
Fremde sind wir
mein Bleistift und ich[28]
Ablehnung
Wann führen meine müden Schritte mich nach Süden
die Träume und Lieder meiner Sehnsucht sind erschöpft
Ich will zurück
dorthin wo ich mich zurechtfinde
Muttererde
wo ich singe für eine Welt ohne Grenzen
Wann kehre ich in mein altes Zimmer zurück
zu meinen alten Liedern
zu meinen alten Träumen
Ich will zurück
in eine neue Heimat
die Frauen leidenschaftlich umarmt
Meine Schritte sind müde
die Fremdheit frisst mich auf
ewige Trauer umhüllt mich
ich bin entfremdet
Ich bin einsam
entsetzt, wenn ich die Plakate lese
Wien darf nicht Chicago werden
Ausländer raus
entsetzt, wenn ich Jobangebote lese
Nur für Inländer
Mein Engagement
meine Qualifikation
lehnen sie ab
weil ich eine Frau bin
weil ich eine Schwarze bin
weil sie finden,
dass meine Sprache komisch klingt
Sie lehnen mich ab
Wann führen meine müden Schritte mich zurück
in den Schoß meiner Heimat
die schon lange auf meine Rückkehr wartet.[29]
The poem Ablehnung is the cry of an exhausted woman who is being ‘eaten up by foreignness’ and longs for the relief of familiarity.
The place of longing is described in the first line as the “Süden”. However it appears throughout the poem that is not simply her homeland for which Hamid longs. Hamid write in the second stanza that she wants to go back to “Muttererde/wo [sie] sing[t] für eine Welt ohne Grenzen”. It is not clear what is being denoted by the name “Muttererde”, although it seems to be a term chosen by Hamid to encapsulate the associations of acceptance, warmth and freedom which appear in stark contrast to Hamid’s feelings of foreignness. The world without borders is a utopian images with echoes of Hamid’s poem Eine Erde für uns alle, where Hamid writes:
Heute bleibt meine Sehnsucht
zwischen Himmel und Erde gefangen
meine Füße wollen die Erden spüren
wollen vor offenen Türen stehen[30]
The world without borders echoes Hamid’s description of a world of „open doors“. However, in Eine Erde für uns alle Hamid recognises the utopian nature of her longing:
es brannte die Sehnsucht nach einer Welt
die nicht existieren will[31]
Hamid describes in the third stanza of Ablehnung her longing to return to things of her past, her ‘old’ room and ‘old’ songs of her past. However, directly following this Hamid does not express wanting to go back to the ‘old’:
Ich will zurück
in eine neue Heimat
die Frauen leidenschaftlich umarmt[32]
As if to acknowlege the shortcomings of her homeland, for which in the end Hamid was forced to leave, Hamid longs for a „neue Heimat“. The concept of a new homeland is itself inherently contradictory. “Heimat” denotes a place of origin, by its very nature originary and therefore unable to be updated or replaced.
In the the stanza which follows, Hamid reflects on the destruction and the exhaustion she feels as a result of her foreignness. The “ewige Trauer” exposes the depth of the pain felt by Hamid by her foreignness. The following stanza outlines the reasons for which being a foreigner in Vienna is particularly painful.
Ich bin einsam
entsetzt, wenn ich die Plakate lese
Wien darf nicht Chicago werden
Ausländer raus
entsetzt, wenn ich Jobangebote lese
Nur für Inländer[33]
Hamid makes a statement here about the blatant and outward racism which features in the Viennese society; about racist headlines and discriminatory employment advertisments. Hamid records that the effect of these is loneliness and disgust. Hamid follows this paragraph which a listing of her achievements which are simply rejected by the society of her new country.[34] Despite the tertiary studies completed by Hamid in Sudan, including her Masters degree, the University of Vienna insisted that she had to complete a ‘Diplomarbeit’ before she could commence her Magister studies at their institution.[35] Hamid also makes a connection between discrimination for being a woman and for being black:
lehnen sie ab
weil ich eine Frau bin
weil ich eine Schwarze bin[36]
According to Hamid, sexism and racism are inextricably linked and discrimination can not be simplified by assigning it a label as one or the other. In her interview with the Stichproben magazine, Hamid says:
Sexismus, Rassismus, Kolonialismus- das alles ist irgendwie verbunden. Es ist den meisten Frauen zwar bewusst, dass sie diskriminiert werden, jedoch nicht, dass das Geschlecht ein sehr wichtiger Bestandteil dabei ist – Rassismus kann unmöglich von Sexismus getrennt werden.[37]
Continuning on from this, Hamid refers to discrimination on the basis of her „Sprache“. It is this form of racism, in particular, that Hamid is fighting in producing lyric in German. The question remains, however, whether the fact that Hamid’s poetry has not yet been recognised through academic engagement with it (until now) is yet another form of persisting racist attitudes.
The conclusion of this paragraph is that the white majority of Austrians reject Hamid’s idenity, her whole self.
At this conclusion Hamid returns the the beginng and re-states her tired plea to be returned to the comfort of the “Schoß [ihrer] Heimat”.[38]
Vergangenheit
Als ich in mein Paradies zurückkehrte
fand ich nur den Schutt der Erinnerungen
und die Asche alter Erzählungen
Fremde bin ich in meinem Paradies
wo sind meine Sterne geblieben
wo ist ihr prophetisch glänzendes Gesicht
Als ich zurückkehrte
war ich nicht mehr ich
ich war eine andere
die Sterne erkannten mich nicht
Nur die Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit ist geblieben[39]
This poem is about the change that a person undergoes upon crossing a frontier, which becomes most evident when that person tries to return from whence s/he came. Hamid questions her own notion of identity and depicts the complex loss one feels when losing a sense of one’s one identity.
In the first line Hamid refers to what appears to be the land of origin as her “Paradies”. By using the word ‘paradise’ to describe the country of origin, Hamid captures the way in which a migrant will develop a romanticised idea of their homeland while being away in the adopted country. When a migrant lacks a sense of belonging, it is common to have overly positive memories of their home country which is a projection of everything which they feel they are missing in their new society. The stark reality is brought home in the second line where, in place of her ‘paradise’, Hamid only finds “den Schutt der Erinnerungen/und die Asche alte Erzählungen”.[40] Hamid highlights the hollowness of the comfort of memories when the migrant returns to their homeland.When romanticised impressions of their country of origin have been base upon memories of good times, it is a particularly great shock to come home to the reality that those former times have past and the country as you remember it no longer exists.
In the second stanza Hamid mourns the fact that she now feels like a foreigner in her own country.
Fremde bin ich in meinem Paradies[41]
The tragedy of this is clear in the juxtaposition of the ideas of paradise and foreignness. Hamid no longer has a place in a land which she had conceived as her paradise. In the following lines Hamid depicts her sense of disorietation at this great loss:
wo sind meine Sterne geblieben
wo ist ihr prophetisch glänzendes Gesicht[42]
The stars here could represent a guiding force, as in the next line she refers to the ‚face’ of her paradise as ‚prophetic’. Hamid has lost her guiding stars, her sense of direction.
Hamid alludes to another reason for being a foreigner in her own paradise as being that she had fundamentally changed:
Als ich zurückkehrte
war ich nicht mehr ich
ich war eine andere
die Sterne erkannten mich nicht[43]
Aside from the fact that the country has no remained as Hamid remembers it, Hamid herself has also changed. The image of the stars no longer recognising her, is a very poignant image. Not being recognised by people that Hamid considers the very ones to whom she belongs is a very painful realisation. As has been seen in the poem Gefährte, as a foreigner Hamid has longed for recognition. Now, upon her homecoming, the ‘stars’ have not recognised her. The image is one of stark loneliness.
This image of the stars conveys to a Western reader a sense of the cliché idea that people from Africa associate more closely than Westerners with nature. The personification of the stars could appear to allude to a relationship with the stars that one may have in Africa. It may also, however, be no more than simply symbolic,
The sense of loneliness is only further developed in the last line:
Nur die Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit ist geblieben
Longing for the past is not only futile, but in this context it is also tragic. Not only a foreigner elsewhere, Hamid has come to feel like an alien in her own country, amongst her own people. When one is fundamentally changed upon crossing a frontier, however, once there, can not belong, the only place in which s/he belongs is the past. Hamid powerfully depicts the loneliness of being a citizen of the past.
This poem could be based upon Hamid’s experience during the first trip which Hamid made in 1999 back to the Sudan, six years after having arrived in Austria. In an interview with Stichproben, Hamid says the following in regards to this trip:
Ich war jetzt nach sechs Jahren im Sommer zum ersten Mal wieder im Sudan. Das war für mich ein Schock. Ich habe mich in meinem eigenen Land fremd gefühlt... Einen Monat lang war ich total fremd, insgesamt war ich drei Monate dort. Ich kenne niemanden mehr, alle Gesichter waren mir fremd, ich traute niemandem. Ich hatte Angst, auch vor meiner eigenen Familie; die haben das aber auch gemerkt. Wenn ich in einem bestimmten Zimmer war, und sie wollten sich mit mir unterhalten, bin ich einfach gegangen. Wenn sie zu Besuch in den Hof kamen, bin ich ins Haus gegangen. Dieses Gefühl hat mich einen Monat lang beherrscht. Ich habe geweint, ich habe auch ein Gedicht geschrieben. Die Fremdheit wird mich als Frau überallhin verfolgen. In Wien hier fühle ich mich fremd, und dort fühle ich mich auch fremd.[44]
Hamid reports having written a poem during her this time, and despite not being able whether this is that poem, it does reflect the sense of feeling estranged from the past and thereby the homeland. In Vergangenheit Hamid refers to the “Asche alter Erzählungen”, which is a vivid depiction of an event which is finished and belongs to the past. In the same article Hamid refers to her shock at what she viewed as backward steps that had taken place in the feminst movement since her time living in Sudan:
Früher gab es im Sudan eine starke Frauenbewegung, die sehr viel erreicht hat... Aber unsere erkämpften Rechte haben wir verloren. Eine Frau auf der Straße wird immer kontrolliert. Ich habe das selbst…erlebt. Ich war mit meinem Mann unterwegs, und der Taxifahrer hat uns gefragt, ob wir Dokumente haben, die uns als Ehepaar ausweisen.[45]
Hamid talks about the activism which had changed legislation to move the country towards gender equality in the 1960s, which now upon her visit back to Sudan appeared nothing more than issues discussed amongst activists, „Asche alter Erzählungen”.[46]
Read after the poem Ablehnung, which appears earlier in the collection, the sentiments expressed in this poem are particularly tragic. In Ablehnung, the object of Hamid’s longing is her return to her homeland, “die schon lange auf [ihre] Rückkehr wartet”.[47] However, according to Hamid in Vergangenheit “Als [sie] zurrückkehrte…die Sterne erkannte [sie] nicht”[48]
Zeitungsverkäufer
Wir sind gleich
auch wenn der Norden Nord genannt wird und der Süden Süd genannt wird
auch wenn die Jugend des Südens in den Traum vom Norden
flüchtet
in den Traum, in Würde zu arbeiten, zu leben
in den Norden der Gerechtigkeit
und des Respekts vor den Menschenrechten
Wir sind gleich
Zeitungsverkäufer, du läufst durch den Schnee
und deine schwarzen Augen brennen wir Kohlen
halten Ausschau
nach Arbeit in Würde
nach Identität
nach Gerechtigkeit
Lass mich nicht allein, Zeitungsverkäufer
gib mir dein Herz
deine Arme
lass uns kämpfen gegen die Armut des Südens
lass uns singen für die Sonne
die sich hinter den Kakao- und Kaffeefeldern hebt[49]
In the poem Gefährte Hamid writes that she is “eine Frau für die Armen”.[50] In this poem Hamid shows her compassion for and solidarity with the marginalised in a delicate and powerful poem, Zeitungsverkäufer.
As mentioned above, Trotzdem singe ich is dedicated to Rosemarie Zehetgruber, “die niemals vergessen hat, ihre Arme für [Hamid] zu öffnen. Sie hat [Hamid’s] erschöpften Seele Mut und Kraft gegeben“.[51] In the poem entitled Rosemarie that which Hamid celebrates utmost about Rosemarie is her „Menschlichkeit“:
Inmitten meines Kummers und meiner Trauer
stehst du mit deiner beruhigenden Menschlichkeit[52]
‚Menschlichkeit’ is a theme of much of Hamid’s poetry. In Zeitungsverkäufer Hamid demonstrates own ‘Menschlichkeit’ by way of solidarity. However, unlike such demonstrations in other poems such as ‚Rosen für Omofuma’ and ‚Meine Schwarzen Schwestern’ here Hamid is identifying with a white Austria who, like the African population, resides in a marginalise position in society.
In Vienna the newspaper salemen stands on streetcorners, near bus stops and in U-Bahn stations. Their goods – newspapers and magazines – are laid out along the ground and they wear an oversized flourescent yellow or orange rain jacket with the name of one of the newspapers they sell emblazened across the back.[53] The newspaper salemen work long hours; they ‘open’ in time to catch the morning peak hour, and are still there when people are returning from work of an evening. The salesmen often stand outside without any protection against the elements, even in the winter months.
From the opening line in this poem, Hamid demonstrate her commonality with the newspaper salesmen: “Wir sind gleich”.[54] Despite the difference in background which may exists between them, Hamid sees them united through current circumstance. Hamid refers to projections of the ‘northern’ European states with which people from the ‘south’ (the African states) grow up and even ‘flee’ their home country to enjoy: “den Traum, in Würde zu arbeiten, zu leben/in den Norden der Gerechtigkeit/und des Respekts vor den Menschenrechten”.[55]
The second paragraph, however, presents a picture of someone living under the system of the ‘north’ who strives to uphold the values of the north, however, this integrity comes at a fairly high price. Hamid refers the exposure of these men to the elements by her allusion to the snow, and the long hours they work in the depiction of their intense gaze, watching and waiting for customers:
Zeitungsverkäufer, du läufst durch den Schnee
und deine schwarzen Augen brennen wir Kohlen
halten Ausschau[56]
According to Hamid, these salemen strive in their efforts to uphold an honest occupation and thereby identity with integrity. They also seek ‘justice’. Despite their different paths, Hamid can relate intimately with the struggles and hardship which are endured by figure in society such as the newspaper salemen who work hard without seeing much reward. Hamid presents these figures with compassion as men of strength and dignity, despite what adversity they may face. The ‘Schnee’ which need to plough through is also symbolic of the hardship faced by them daily, including facing their position in a society which shows little regard for them.Hamid pays tribute to them.
In the final paragraph, Hamid demonstrates her passionate solidarity with them their common struggles. Hamid not only accepts the ‘Zeitungsverkäufer’, she extends her arms to embrace them, asked them to offer her their ‘heart’, containing whatever sorrows and dreams they may possess. Hamid suggests a shift in focus for the ‘Zeitungsverkäufer’, that they may “kämpfen gegen die Armut des Südens”, an empowering suggestion implying that the newspaper salesmen’s existence can represent more than selling newspapers to an unappreciative society. Hamid here, again, ends the poem on a very positive note, with images infused with images from nature and with an ‘African’ (or at least, non-European) flavour:
lass uns singen für die Sonne
die sich hinter den Kakao- und Kaffeefeldern hebt[57]
As in Rosen für Omofuma the sun represents hope, which, as presented here by Hamid, resides in the cocoa and coffee fields of the African countryside. This idea resolves the unfulfilled vision of the ‘north’ that people of the ‘south’ possess in their youth by suggesting that now hope may truly lie in the difference which they can make in the lands of the south.
[1] The female students were required by the University to wear a veil. About this experience, Ishraga reflects, “Im Sudan hat mich das damals sehr gestört und ich habe dagegen gekämpft. Frauen sollen anhaben was sie wollen und nicht gezwungen werden, etwas Bestimmtes zu tragen. Für mich ist es erstaunlich, dass sich mein Bewusstsein zu diesem Thema in Österreich sich verändert hat. Jetzt solidasiere ich mich mit den Frauen, die Kopftücher tragen!“ Zimt duftet in Wien
[2] Zimt
[3] Zimt
[4] Zimt
[5] The VIDC is an Institute of the Österreichisch Entwicklungszusammenarbeit. On their website, their objective is outlined as follows: „das wiener institut für entwicklungsfragen und zusammen arbeit engagiert sich vorrangig in forschungen zur entwicklungszusammenarbeit und nord-süd-themen. die abteilung
[6] http://auslandshilfe.diakonie.at/Data/content/MediaDB/content/AH/content/downloadable-files-allgemein/1136196504/Jahresbericht%2004%20Diakonie%20Auslandshilfe.pdf
[7] ibid
[8] Standard
[9]http://derstandard.at/?url=/?page=onlinesuche%26respage=0%26cp=dieStandard%2FdiePolitik%26artstatus=AktivArchiv%26query=Ishraga+Mustafa+Hamid%26mode=extern%26source=alle%26oldcp=dieStandard%2FdiePolitik%26ressort=alle%26sdatum=alles%26udatum=31.12.2001%26sort=time%26vdatum=
[10] auslandshilfe
[11] ibid
[12] Forward TSI
[13] Can you find where?
[14] TSI 24
[15] TST 14
[16] Website and expanation
[17] TSI 14
[18] Who says it’s them – maybe its leftist politics. NO!
[19] TSI 14
[20] TSI 14
[21] TSI 14
[22] Zimt 91
[23] TSI 15
[24] Ibid
[25] TSI 15
[26] TSI 18
[27] TSI 10
[28] ibid
[29] tsi 41-42
[30] tsi 13
[31] tsi 13
[32] tsi 41
[33] tsi 41
[34] It is not clear whom Hamid is referring to when she writes that they reject her “Engagement”. It is possible that it refers to the gross racial imbalance amongst relief workers in Vienna. In an article on the subject by Beatrice Achaleke, Achaleke reports the reluctance of aid-workers working with African imigrants to employ people of African descent, despite an apparent unique qualification for the position. Achaleke writes: Nach dem Motto: "Ihr seid ja so arm, aber macht euch keine Sorgen, wir sind für euch da", werden MigrantInnen afrikanischer Herkunft ständig in die Opferrolle gedrängt. Mit viel Mitleid, vorgetäuschter Einfühlsamkeit und Fürsorge werden sie auf raffinierte Art und Weise zum Schweigen gebracht. Anschließend wird ihnen Inkompetenz, mangelnde Qualifikation, Faulheit etc. vorgeworfen.“ Perhaps Hamid is referring to an unwillingness on the part of her ‚white counterparts’ to work together. (http://igkultur.at/igkultur/kulturrisse/1086766500/1086769086)
[35] Zimt 88
[36] tsi 41-42
[37] http://www.univie.ac.at/ecco/stichproben/Nr2_Christiansen_Englert.pdf
[38] 42
[39] TSI 62
[40] TSI ibid
[41] TSI 62
[42] tsi 62
[43] tsi 62
[44] Zimt 91 & 93
[45] Zimt 93
[46] TSI 62
[47] tsi 42
[48] tsi 62
[49] tsi 40
[50] tsi 9
[51] tsi iii
[52] tsi 15
[53] Most wear a jacket sponsored by the “Kronenzeitung”, a tabloid newspaper read by approximately 3 million Austrians daily and which has in the past aligned itslef closely with FPÖ campaigns and policy. Ironically, many newspaper sales-people are immigrants.
[54] tsi 40
[55] tsi 40
[56] tsi 40
[57] tsi 40
الناس وسواس المحبة الساكنة روحى
الناس.. { تسوى ايه الدنيا من غيرهم وغير محبتهم}، كانوا ومازالوا رهان قلبى على جدوى الحياة وقيمتها، منذ أن هدرت روحى بالغناء ومنذ ان كنت صغيرة اتلمس دربى فى قلوب الناس اينما ماكانوا واينما ماحلوا فمكانتهم ظلت فى قلبى تحرضنى على {معافرة} المستحيل، حتى فى اقسى الدروب، فى اقصى صرامة الزمن وهو يعجن روحى ويخلخلها بعذابات الوجود وأسئلة القيامة. حتى حين افقد الأمل بان الناس ماعادوا ناسا، وان النسيان طال انسانيتهم وبقيت فى كهف بعيد انحت صخره و{اردمه} على قلبى ليكف عن محبة الناس، انه الوهم الكبير ان أكون بلا وطن وبلا هوية فالناس وطنى الحقيقى وصلصال كينونتى.
فى ذلك اليوم الذى انشلت {ام الزرق والحمر} أمى عشة بت حامد والجلطة تعلن قسوتها والناس يعلنون محبتهم، تضامنهم ويسندون أرواحنا، فى ذلك اليوم وكل شىء ينهار، انهيار لاتعادله الا المحبة التى اجهشت بها الجموع التى غسلتنا، وغسلتنى على وجه التحديد، هل كان ينبغى ان يحدث ماحدث لاعز واحب خلق الله حتى تتوازن الحياة فى داخلى؟
زحفت زحفا الى مطار فيينا الدولى، لا كما كنت أحلق كعصفورة فرهد على جناحيها اخضرار المدى حين اسافر الى السودان. {صرة} قلبى مدفونة هناك ومن هناك مدت جزورها الى امكنة بعيدة، الى كل أمكنة الناس، الناس هم بلدى، فى السودان او فى فيينا وفى أى مكان آخر بالامكان أن أجد وطنى فى الناس {القاسمين معايا} الفكرة والهم وحب الانسانية. رافقتنى فريينا { واحدة من الناس المدت فينى جزر روحها}، طيلة الطريق حدثتنى عن الطاقة، حديثى وحوارى المفضل معها حين نلتقى، إنه الوقت الذى ينبغى التماسك فيه، زمن تحويل الطاقات {هو لسه فى طاقة}، كنت افكر و{افتت} فى قلبى كيلا يخذلنى بان أحول طاقة الحزن وأفجرها الى طاقات من القوة والتماسك وان التقى أمى كما كنت التقيها، بالدموع ووجهى يشرق بفرحة وجودها. ودعدتنى وهى تحضننى وتهدج بالدعاء الطيب لأمى وترطب على فزع روحى وهى تقول لى { لاتنسى باننا نحبك ونحب هذه المرأة التى أنجبتك}. وكان المسيح عليه السلام مخضر القلب وكانت فيريينا ركيزتى فى تلك اللحظات وكنت {حزنانة وواعية} لكتابة كنت قد بدأتها قبل ان تهاجمنى صقور الحزن، كتابة عن {الحيطة او جدران الذات} وكيف ان افعال الحب النبيلة تخترق كل الحيط وكل جدران الذات فى صلفها ولفظها للآخر.
اخذت مكانى فى الطائرة التركية، حاولت النوم ولم استطيع رغم الإجهاد وضنى النفس وهى تكابد {هلوساتها}، حاولت اكتب ولم استطيع وحبر روحى يقطر بالحزن، فتحت نوافذى على محبة الناس التى سندتنى وكاتبتنى قبل سفرى لملاقاة أمى، كل الناس اللذين التقيتهم، كل الناس الذين كاتبونى وهم يدعون لأمى بالشفاء، لاول مرة أحس بانى لا اقدر على هذه المحبة، انها فوق طاقتى وفوق تصورى وامام سيلها تتكسر كل المصدات وتغسل الذات حزنها، غضبها، مراراتها وتنهض مغسولة بضىء محبة الناس ورزاز عيونهم يراشقنى بشهقة الحياة وهى لن تموت فىّ.
الثالثة والنصف صباح الاحد السادس من مايو حطت الطائرة وروحى مازالت تهوى وهى تحاول النهوض، كنت غريبة، غريبة حتى عن نفسى، كل شىء يلفظنى ومشاعر متناقضة تقرع طبولها داخلى، فكيف سأخرج وأمى لن تكون شاهقة كفجر جميل؟ وكيف لا انظر فى عينيها لحظة اللقاء الأول، جزر تتعارك أمواجها وتهدر بالحنان، بالصرامة، بالحزن، بالانكسار والعناد، بالامل والهزيمة.... إنها عيون أمى... واحتى التى دونها يفصدنى الوجع.
وحضنها حقولى الآمنة والحنان الذى {يغربل ضريسة} الزمن من عمرى.
وقفت نجوى شقيقتى كنجمة تهوى من الحزن ، تعانقنا { ماعاوزة أبكى} قلتها ودموعى تغسل وجهى. أبتهال تنتظرنى ايضا وتمسح دموعى وتمازحنى { الدموع دى ومسحناها نعمل شنو للنخرة الحمرت دى}، تنتزع منى ضحكة لاتشبه الضحك فى شىء إبتهال ابنة أمى من أبى، بعض من نقع حنان أمنا الذى ارضعتنا.
عند الرابعة صباحا وقفت امام المستشفى فى نمرة {اتنين} واحاول ان استجمع شىء من طاقتى، فى الطريق حكن لى عن حالها وانها استقرت الآن ولكن..... حين جرجرت اقدام روحى لباب غرفتها وأمامى جسد نحيل لايشبها جسدها فى شىء، انبوبة التغذية وعينيها المسبلة، وجهها الملتفت ناحية الشمال، لا هذه ليست أمى وبدأت النحيب، اين قوتى، اين صمودى وأين .... ,اين..... خرجت بنت خالتى من الغرفة وهى تحتضننى وتغالب دموعها وتقول لى { لو عاوزة تبكى وتنهارى ارجعى طوالى ماعشان كده انتى جاية}، سندت جسدى الخائر وروحى المتهالكة على اقرب حائط، مرة أخرى _الحيطة_ تسندنى ولكنها تقف عارضا بينى وبين أمى، لا ادرى كم من الزمن الداخلى مرّ كاعصار وكم من شجن وأسى وطفولة وحكايات، ياربى ارفق بى وقوينى... يا اله السموات والارض، يابركة المحبة التى سندتنى حين كنت بعيدة عنها، غمرتنى الوجوه وكلمات الحب الحقيقى، حب الناس لانفض جناح قلبى وأولع نار محبتهم التى لا تنطفىء ولن تخمد وكنت احتاجها فى تلك اللحظة وانا اواجه مصيرى اما ان اهزم الحزن واخطو خطوتى تجاه سريرها او استسلم لهزيمتى وكانت المحبة اقوى، اقوى من كل الهزائم والانكسارات ومسحت دموعى و {قرصت ورك قلبى} وكنت افعل كلما رق نبضه حين ينبغى ان يقسو النبض على دمه.
آمنت بمحبة الناس وهى تقوينى فى تلك اللحظة وضبطت كل عصبى على ايقاع كمنجاتهم واقتربت منها، قبلت جبينها واحتضنت يدها، فتحت عينيها ومحبة الناس تشرق فى عيونى بدل الدموع وحدثتها حديث الروح، وكأنها فى حلم وكأنى اقاوم عواصف الدنيا كلها فى لحظات التجلى والالهام وسرت الحياة فى دمى وانا انزع منها ابتسامة و{اجضمها بحنان كما كنت افعل معها حين اشاكسها فى حالات انها أختى وليست أمى... لقد عرفتنى وحست بوجودى، انها طاقة الحب، طاقة محبة الناس التى احاطونى وأمى بها. حاولت ان تفتح فمها المطبق على كثير من الحكايات الأسية ولكنها لم تستطيع واقتربت أكثر منها ولامست وجهى وشعرى، اى قوة إكتبستها وهى لا تنهض ولا تحتضننى. كيف نظرت لعينيها وهى تحس العجز التام كيف؟
حكيت لها عن كل الذين سألوا عنها وعن كل النساء والبنيات اللآتى كاتبننى وسندننى وهن يهتفن باسمها فهى نور الامهات العظيمات، قلت لها كل الدعوات التى طيبت الخاطر والقلب وانها لابد ان تنهض وان تفك اسر هذا الكون والعصافير الحبيسة منذ ان صمتت عن الكلام. صبيحة ذلك اليوم تجمهر عدد من الناس الجميلين، صغارا وكبارا، نساء ورجالا يسألون عنها بلهفة وحنية وبقيت بعض الوقت تحت شجرة النيم وقلبى يتنحى طريقه الى حكاية بائعات الشاى والقهوة واقتسمت معهن بعض الحكايات بعضها صامتا قلناه بعيوننا ومشاعرنا الخاصة جدا التى لايفهمها الا من تيمم صوب الفضاء وغنى لثورة يصنعها فقط هؤلاء الفقراء.
ليس سهلا ان اذكر كل الناس، فقد كانوا طيورا محلقة فى سماوات المحبة، ناس متعددة فكيف اترسم قوز قزح على سماء الصهد فى قلب الخرطوم لولاهم. نسوة الديم الطيبات أكدن من جديد لماذا اصرت أمى ان تبقى وسطهن وان البيت الضيق يتسع بمحبتهن، ونساء كوستى اللآتى تكبدن مشاق السفر ومنحننا بعض من حنانها.
سأحكى بعض الحكايات عصارة لمحبة الناس، ناس يهدونك مزاميرهم دون ان يطالبونك باغنية، يتركون الحانهم ويذهبون ولكن تبقى مزاميرهم لحنا للوفاء.
حكاية أولى:
ذكرت لى أسماء بعض الناس التى زرات أمى، احداهن شابة صغيرة من {امبدة كرور}، زارتها وهى تدعو لها، سألتها أختى إن كانت تعرف الحاجة او احدانا، فهى بنية صغيرة فى منتصف العشرينات، قالت انها إبنتها وهى أمها التى ستعوضها فقدها حين ماتت أمها وتركتها وحيدة {تجابد} لحن الحياة، اعلنت نفسها بنتا لها وأختا لنا منذ رسالتى لأمى التى نشرتها فى سودانايل، جاءت من أمبده معرضة نفسها للعطش وقد يكون للجوع والسحائى وندهت شجو المحبة، كانت هذه الطاقة التى سرت فى يد أمى وهى ترفعها لتلامس وجهى وتعبث بضفائرى التى مشطتها بدهن أمومتها.
حكاية ثاني
قبل سفرى جاءتنى رسالة الكترونية من المحامى الاستاذ أ. الطريفى داعيا لامى بالعافية وانه يرغب فى زيارتها، زارها وهو لايعرف ايأ منا معرفة شخصية وسأل عنى وعن الاسماء التى وردت فى رسالتى لها ووعد بمعادوة الزيارة، قبل سفرى بيوم التقيته وحكى لى عن رسالتى لأمى والتى طبعها وقرأها اهل بيته وكان كلما يعود الىالبيت نهاية اليوم تتقاطر الاسئلة {أها حاجة عشة بقت كيف؟} يسألون عنها وكأنهم رضعوا حليب انسانها وكأنهم لعبوا يوما تحت قدميها وكأنها هدهدت صغارهم ورتبت فيهم بعض من ربكة الحياة. انها المحبة الحقيقية من بشر حقيقى يلامسون الوجدان ويبقون احدى ربابات عشقى للحياة.
حكاية ليست أخيرة:
فى العام الفائت وأثناء زيارتى للسودان وانا اترحل من مكان لمكان عن طريق الامجاد وأنا أعلن بلادتى فى الجغرافيا والوصف لسائقها، بجلالة الله أوصلنى وقابلتنى أمى أمام الباب وهى ترحب {يمة انتى جيتى} وانفجر صاحب الامجاد
{ ياحاجة فى زول يروح من بيتهم.... ماتعمل لى فيها عايشة برة والقصص العجيبة دى.... و..... } قالت له أمى {ياولدى انزل اشرب موية وبرد ريقك وبالمرة اكل معانا ملاح نعيمية} وقد كان.
فى يومى الثالث وأثناء زيارتى لأمى ترحلت من نمرة 2 الى الديم وكانت صدفة حين قال صاحب الامجاد الذى لم اتعرف عليه لحظتها { الحمدلله المرة دى ما حاتروحى لانى بعرف بيتكم} وسألنى ان كان هناك ملاح نعيمية
وحكيت له عن الايادى التى صنعتها حينذاك ساكنة الآن، حزن حقيقى حسيته وهو يصر على رؤيتها قبل ان يوصلنى لمشوارى وظل يزورها يوميا اثناء مروره ورفض أن يأخذ أجرة الرحلة وأنا اعلم مكابدة الحياة وشظف العيش، ذات الحكاية حدثت مع شاب فى مقتبل العمر قابلناه ونحن نبحث عن { شقة} لتبقى فيها أمنا قبل ان تغادر الى العلاج فى القاهرة، حكينا له ظروفنا وضرورة أيجاد سكن معقول لنبعدها عن {زحمة الحبان} وبدى عليه التأثر وسألنا { ووين بيت المريضة، قلنا له جنب جامع سيف وجاء سؤاله مؤكدا محبة أمنا للناس، ووين لبيت ناس حاجة عشة؟} وحين عرف بانها المعنية حول طاقة الحزن الذى بدا على وجهه لبحث مضنى ولم يرتاح حتى وجد ما صبونا له ورفض أن يأخذ عمولته كوسيط، النفوس الطيبة تعرف بعضها يا أبن أمى.
دموع حاجة حواء{ شرقت } روحى
تأتى حاجة حواء مرتين فى الشهر للغسيل، تجلس أمى جوارها وتساعدها ، تجهز الفطور وتتناوله معها، تهبها بعض الهدايا بمحبة، حكت جارتنا لى ان حاجة حواء طلبت من أمى ان {تسلفها توب} لحضور مناسبة فماكانت من أمى الا ان أخرجت لها ماتملك لتختار ماتريد. انفجرت حاجة حواء حين رأتنى وبكت بكاء حارا واستجدتنى ان أذهب بها الى أمى وكان من الصعب اقناع ادراة المستشفى بالسماح بالزيارة بعد ان تم منعها بأمر الطبيب. طاقة الحب العظيمة منحتنى لها حاجة حواء وتيقنت ان الكلمة الطيبة تمنح ثمارها والفعل الطيب يرمى ظله للبعيد.
فى مطار الخرطوم وانا فى طريق عودتى الى فيينا ودموعى تنهمر وصورة أمى لاتفارقنى خاصة وانها مازالت غير قادرة على الحركة والكلام وان انبوب الغذاء مثبت على انفها ونصف وجهها بالكاد رؤيته وقد تغطى باللاصقات، كنت بين نارين نار ان اترك أمى فى هذه الحالة ونار صغارى واصل ومرافىء. قبالتى جلست إمراة مع طفليها فى طريقهما الى الدمام بالسعودية وسألتنى، انها اللحظات التى تنكسر فيها كل الحواجز وتهب ريح الانسان عطرة، حكيت لها وحاولت وقد نجحت ان تغرس بعض الطمأنينة فى قلبى وعانقتنى كأختى وهى تودعنى وتقول لى { شدى حيلك قلبى معاك} وفى عينيها حبست دمعتين.
ومن هنا وبأسم حليب أمى ونور عينيها أعلن....
إن محبة الناس الوسواس الذى يغوص فى الروح
الناس صندل النفس حين يقهرها الزمن
ومحبة الناس هى واحتى الخاصة جدا والتى لن اكف ان أمنحها عصارة عمرى لتبقى مزهرة
محبتى هى ما املك لكل من سندنا فى هذا الظرف القاسى
الى كل من هاتفنا، من كل انحاء الدنيا العريضة، حيث لم ينقطع التواصل بين الدقيقة وأختها
الى كل من زارنا ومنحنا ملح الانسانية ونشيدها
الى كل اللذين لم التقيهم/ن وعرفتهم إبان هذه الايام الحزينة...
والى اللذين افتقدناهم وغابوا او غيبتهم ظروفهم عنا... كونوا على يقين بان فقدكم انهمر نهرا من الضياء حولنا
ويبقى الناس ملامحى التى اجوب بها العالم الذى أحلم
وتبقى محبتهم سماد للروح لتفرهد
وتقبلوا منى بعضا من محبتكم/ن
محبتكم هى ما املك
هى شجر الله الذى يظلننى وينتح فى عمرى نداه
وهى نهرى للامهات العظيمات
وكل هويتى
فيينا... فى يوم اتسعت فيه إبرة الروح قليلا
أيام القيامة السبعة فى السودان
المثل القائل {حزنانة وواعية} ينطبق على حالتى، فحين زرت السودان فى الاسبوع المنصرم وبقيت فيه فقط لمدة اسبوع كنت فى قمة حزنى، ذلك الحزن الذى لايماثلة الا عظمة الأم اذ الزيارة تعلقت بمرض أمى المفاجىء ومع ذلك فقد تحركت بوصلة التفكيك والتمحيص التى لاتهدأ فى عقلى، تمنيت كثيرا ان تصيب هذا الوعى جلطة التلبد والاستكانة حتى ارتاح ولكن لانى شقية فوعى بالاشياء يتقد مرات حد الانفجار.
حين بدأت الطائرة فى الهبوط بدأت الاضواء الخافتة تلوح من بعيد، كلما ارى هذه الاضواء أحس بان {الجمرة الخبيثة} مخنوقة من {زمارتها} وفى عدد ثوانى يمكن ان {تفطس}.
عندما بدأت الطائرة تفارق ارض فيينا وتصعد رويدا رويدا للسماء كنت اراقب الخضرة الكاسية المدينة، خضرة تشرق القلب بفرح غريب، كل مرة اتمنى ان تكسى هذه الخضرة {بلدنا} هناك، الطائرة تهبط وخضرة المدينة التى فارقتها قبل ساعات تنزاح قليلا قليلا لتهيئنى لقفل هذا الباب لادخل من بوابة بلد البترول اللذى حول السودان بين يوم ليلة الى دولة {ثرية}. العمارات تستطيل وتقل تلك الحيشان الحنينة، لا خضرة تبهر، حتى شجر النيم نائم نومة أهل الكهف. لعنت أبليس وحادثت نفسى {خلاص بدينا نبيشة الحال}.
دخلت الى صالة الوافدين وأشار لى الضابط الى صف الاجانب وقفت هناك وقلبى يقرصنى لشىء فى نفس تاريخى
{ سبحان ربى، انا المن كوستى، ذلك الحى الفقران فقر السنين بقيت أجنبية، أجانب هنا وهناك ايضا أجانب} غير مهم فالنفس احيانا ايضا تصبح غريبة عنى.
أثناء الانتظار كنت اتسآل لماذا لايبتسمون؟ لماذا هذا العبوس؟ اسئلة فى منتهى الغباء، وحاولت ابحث عن المبررات المقنعة، ربما الحياة القاسية سلبت ضمن من سلبتهم راحة البال والابتسامة، ربما الشمس الحارقة والجرى واللهث وراء المعايش الجبارة {كشطت} من وجوههم {الطيبانة} الفتها وسماحتها. السلام {يقلبوه فى تلتلة} والروح {تناهد من صبيحة الرحمن}.
فى طريقى الى المستشفى حيث ترقد أمى لاحظت امتداد المبانى، تغيرت كثير من ملامح المدينة، عمارات تنهض بلامقدمات ومساحات تتقلص خصما على الغطاء النباتى والتوازن البيئى، على جنبات الشوارع اوراق وبقايا طعام بائس لم تجد فيه الكلاب ضالتها والغنم تعبث بالاوراق فى محاولة لاكلها والثروة الحيوانية فى {كف عفريت} منذ ان استطال ذلك البرج الشاهق فى حديقة الحيوانات التى كانت ملاذا لاطفالنا وللعشاق فى زمن بعيد، مات الفيل والعشاق هجروا الديار والاطفال يحلمون {بعفراء} التى تلكف الاسرة الفقيرة مرتب شهر كامل. رغم انى كنت فى اغسطس الماضى فى السودان الا ان الاشياء هناك تتغير بسرعة خرافية، شىء واحد لم يتغير هو الفقر.
أمام المستشفى جلسن نساء منهكات تبدو آثار الحزن مرسومة على جبينهن يبعن الشاى، الزلابية والقهوة
سرقت بعضة سويعات لاحادثهن و {نتشايل} مع بعض الهموم، حكت لى سكينة بانها كانت تعمل فى احدى المستشفيات الخاصة وبالاصح المخصخصة، كان مرتبها فقط 120.000 الف جنية واضطرت مرة للغياب لملازمة ابنتها التى انجبت طفلها الاول قيصريا، تم خصم الثلاثة أيام من مرتبها وحين اضطرت ان تغيب للمرة الثانية تم فصلها ولم يكن هناك بد من المجازفة ببيع الشاى والقهوة. تيقنت ان الفقراء يجب ان يموتون وهذا موضوع آخر اعد خيول قلمى لتركض على فضائه.
سكينة لم تتضايق من اسئلتى وسألتنى عن حالى وعيالى وحكيت لها ماجاد به القلب حين يعرف ناسه. كانت كل صباح تعد لى قهوتى {المزبوطة} وترفض ان تأخذ حقها، فقيرة وذات نفس كريمة.
وعدتها بزيارة فى يوم ما فى بيتها فى اطراف المدينة حيث الفقر والظلام المحكم ليست لهم مقدرة لبيع {الجمرة الخبيثة/الكهرباء} ودموعهم المتحجرة فى مآقى امانيهم البسيطة تضىء لياليهم وتفضح دولة البترول.
سكينةحكت احتياجها ل {موبايل ماركة نوكيا} ولم استطيع أن اسالها عن ضرورة ذلك وكنت احمل جهازا يقوم بدوره فى تواصلى مع العالم وحين رأته قالت لى {ده اسمه حشرة حشرتين موديل انتهى}. حسيت بانها تنوى ان تسألنى ان كنت فعلا اعيش فى فيينا ولكنها صمتت. ليس هناك من لايحمل او لاتحمل {جوالا} ولاتصمت ولا لحظة واحدة، الرنين والكلام الهامس وتقلصات الوجوه بين الانفراجة و {الصرة}، والنغمات المختلفة بدء من سودانى بريدو، ليه بنهرب من مصيرنا، الشجن، سنتر الخرطوم الخ... يستخدمه السائق وسرعته تحرق بنزين العمر دون مراعاة لارواح المواطنين، بعضهم مشغول ايضا بالرد على مكالمة او اللعب، تذكرت طفولتنا و{الاتارى} التى لايعرفها الا اطفال الاثرياء، اذن انها حالة تعويض لحرمان الطفولة.
اصريت مرة ان اتحرك بالمواصلات العادية، الكمسارى ذو العشرة اعوام يستلم اجرة الرحلة بيد وبالاخرى يتحدث فى تلفونه، اكثر من سبعة فى المركبة يتحدثون وبصوت عالى جدا لان المرجح ان الصوت غير مسموع فى الجانب الآخر.
الشابة التى جلست جوارها {زهجانة} للحد الذى {انصرت فيه اخلاقى وروحى معاها} كدت ان اقول لها { ياختى فكيها شوية} خفت من {شيل الحال} حيث حدث مرة فى احدى زياراتى ان ترحلت بحافلة وحين سألت الكمسارى عن سعر التذكرة وقبل ان يجيب ردت امرأة ستينة العمر ومشلخة {مطارق} وصوتها {تريان بشيل الحال} واصبت بالصمت المبين وهى تقول بعلو صوتها { مسخرة والله، شوف بالله فلهمة بنات الزمن ده مالك بتسألى من سعر المواصلات ماتراك سودانية وديامية كمان، مش انتى ركبتى من محطة الشدرات} رديتى فى سرى { عشان برد ليك، ويحلنى الله الليلة}، وتناول الحديث رجل مسن وانحاز لصفى حين قال { ياولية الزولة دى اظنها عايشة برة وبتجى اجازات ماتظلميها} و{لفحت } الحديث أخرى {تراها دمها رايق}. لا ادرى الى متى استمر النقاش حول سؤالى ولكنى غادرت الحافلة دون ان اعرف السعر الحقيقى للتذكرة.
تذكرت هذه الحكاية والشابة تنوى ان ترمى قشر التسالى الذى أكلتة بشهية من يأكل وجبة فراخ او لحم ضان، رمته من النافذة، هكذا ببساطة، كدت ان اقول لها ان حماية البيئة ايضا مسئولية الافراد، فكرت اكثر من مرة قبل ان ادخل معها فى حوار حزر قلت لها ان مافعلتة {يؤذى المشاعر} نظرت لى ولسان حالها يقول {بالله لفى كده، مشاعر شنو كمان} فوجئت بها وهى تصقعنى بكلمتين انجليزتين من نوع {الايشن} وردها كان ان {البروتكشن} للبيئة لاتؤثر عليه قشرات التسالى التى رمتها بالشباك دون أن تنتبه ان {حباية} واحدة تضل طريقها الى عين راكب آخر كافية الى تصيب بالاذى.
العولمة وسياسة الانفتاح، فى الشارع العام وفى ساعات قيلولة الاوجاع والاحزان البشرية يتراص اطفال فى اعمار تتراوح بين الثامنة والعاشرة يبيعون اى شىء بدء من مناديل الورق، المفارم، المفارش ذات النقشات الصينية، المقصات، الساعات، الكباباى، ملحاحون لدرجة يمكن ان تغيير كل الانظمة الفاسدة ان وجدوا التوجيه المعارض المؤسس.
اكثر ما احزننى بنت صغيرة لايتجاوز عمرها اربعة عشرة عاما، نحيفة كفروع الشجر العطشان، ملابسها مهترئية
تحمل لفة فيها مولودا غضا عمره لايتجاوز بضعة اشهر، كان ذلك امام احدى المطاعم التى تتراص ومنتشرة فى كل مكان، مطاعم شامية، صينية، مخابز تركية، المانية .... الخ.
استفزنى لدرجة البكاء طفولتها الضائعة، قال مرافقى {دى مافيا بتاعة شحادين} وهذا التبرير كان اشد قسوة ، ليته صمت فقد كان ظنى الأول ارحم كثيرا رغم قسوته. كانت برفقتها طفلة أخرى تحمل جهاز راديو وتعبث به وقد نجحت فى ان يعلو صوت {هنا ام درمان جمهورية السودان {اللانسانية} أكملت الجملة خطواتها التائهة.
ترحلت ايضا مرة بحافلة بشارع العمارات وفى لمحة بصر {نطت} عربة بوكس {الترتوار} وانحرفت الى الشارع الموازى، دخلت فى عربة التى دخلت بدورها فى شجرة، خلت نفسى للحظة أشاهد فى فلم {كابوى}. دهشت حين مال سائق الحافلة على جانب الشارع ومد رأسه ليرى ماحدث ونتيجة للجموع التى اتت من كل صوب اوقف العربة ونزل ونزل معه بعض الركاب وشابة ثلاثنية تقول {ده شمار مابتفوت}، كنت مهتمة بان اسمع صفارة عربة النجدة والاسعاف ونتيجة {للشمارات} وتراص عشرات العربات لذات السبب اضطرينا الانتظار ساعة كاملة لحين وجدنا مخرجا وحتى ذلك الحين لم تأتى النجدة ولا الاسعاف رغم ان هناك طفلة مصابة اصابة خطرة وتنزف بغزارة قالت محدثتى، تيقنت ان أرخص مافى السودان هم فقرائه.
من زمن بعيد خطيت مخطوطة عن { أكاديميات ومجتمع} باعتبارى انتمى لهذه الشريحة، بعد زيارتى الأخيرة للسودان قررت ان أنفض عنها غبار التكاسل واواصل فيها الحفر، كنت مؤمنة واصبحت اليوم أكثر ايمانا بالفرضية التى مفادها ان الفجوة بين الاكاديمين/ت والمجتمع عميقة جدا، شهادات نحملها وبعضنا {يتفلقص} ويبنى له موطنا من العاج يفصله عن مجتمعه، فماقيمة العلم والشهادات ان لم توظف لخدمة الانسان وبالطريقة التى تلامس وجدانه. تذكرت كل ذلك وطبيبة يبدو انها خريجة جديدة لانها صغيرة السن، كنت لتوى افتح باب الغرفة التى ترقد فى أمى ووجدتها تحادث بنت خالتى و {تحشر} كلمات ومصطلحات انجليزية فى حديثها حول التغذية التى تعطى لامى عن طريق جهاز مركب فى أنفها، سمعتها تقول لها عن كيفية استخدام { الفيتينق}، امتلكنى الغيظ اذ ان بنت خالتى لاتعرف عن اللغة الانجليزية شئيا ولم استطيع الصمت هذه المرة، قلت لها {الفيتينق ده اسمه بالسودانى الاكل} نظرت لى نظرة لاتخلو من غيظ ايضا ولم تستطيع ان تبرر ووجدت ضآلتى فى الحوار معها وهى {مخلوعة من بجاحتى} كيف وهى {الدكتوره}، اثناء حديثى معها جاءنا زائرا وحيانى بلقبى الأكاديمى {اوه دكتورة حمد الله على السلامة متين الجية} فجأة جادت الشابة بالكلام { انت طبيبة؟} قلت لها {لا انا بى اتش دى هولدر} وذادت دهشتها حين عرفت ان دراستى انجزتها فى علوم {النقة} اى فى الصحافة والعلوم السياسية وكلاهما لا يؤتى ثماره فى بلد مازالت تصادر فيه الكلمة و {هواء الله}.
يبدو ان البنية الدكتوره سردت لزملائها وزميلاتها بانى {دكتورة} وتغيير التعامل من بعضهم وبعضهن فاصبحت التحية لطيفة لا لشىء الا لورقه اكاديمية ما فصلتها يوما عن انسانيتى ولاجلها انجزتها، لم استطيع بالطبع التعامل بعدها لانى احب ان يعاملنى الآخرين لاجل انسانى، قالت صديقتى { يازولة البلد بقت بريستيج}. ربما تناست ان {بريستيجى فى الدنيا دى } هم الفقراء اللذين أنتمى لهم ولقلوبهم الطيبة.
لفت انتباهتى ايضا لون بشرة {البنات} يبدو جليا استخدام الكريمات. فى دكان فى الديم يوجد فيه كل شىء بدء من تركيب العطور، البهارات، الموبايلات ونغماتها المختلفه وفقا لحالة القلب، صبغة الشعر وانتهاء بالكريمات التى تباع بالمعلقة، كل هذه الصفوف تنتظر دورها فى المقسوم من الملاعق وفقا للحالة المادية. قلت لأختى {منو القال اللون الفاتح هو الأحلى؟} فى تلك الاثناء مرت شابة اصابنى لون بشرتها بالفرح، حسيت ان الابنوس الناعم يكسينى. فكرت للحظة ان تسارع الملاحظات بالامكان توسيعها لتصير كل ملاحظة كتابا بذاته.
سألتنى قريبتنا عن {مشاط شعرى ومن التى مشطته لانه يبدو متناسقا على حد قولها} لم اقل لها الحقيقة بانى التى مشطته وانها لو دققت قليلا لاكتشفت الضفائر {المكعوجة} ولكنى ولشىء فى نفسى قلت لها {مشطتنى بت خالتى النيجيرية} فتحت قريبتى فمهما بدهشة وهى تقول {سجمى كمان عندنا عرق؟}، كنت أعرف انها ستقول ذلك خاصة وان بنت الجيران التى دخلت لتوها الجامعة علقت على {الغويشة الجلدية السوداء} التى ارتديتها فى معصمى {انتى جنيتى... شنو حركات الجانقى اللابساه دى؟}. { شيل الحال} والعين التى تفحصك وتشرحك بمشارطها قد طالتنى ايضا، {مالك جاية ضعفانة كدة؟} وقبل ان أجيب {الشيبات الظهرن ديل مالك ماكان تصبغيهن؟} والمدهش ان المشارط تتناولتنى بزوايا مختلفة، قالت جارتنا التى جاءت من كوستى لزيارة أمى { الدور ده صحتك احسن من جيتك الفاتت لكن لونك مالو غمض كده؟ يابتى مسحيهو بديانا كان يلمع شوية} قبل ان افكر فى الرد تأتى الاسئلة متلاحقة { أها عيالك ماشحموا شويه؟ انتى ماتجىء راجعة خلى العيال ديل يعرفو العربى والدين} وهناك نوع من الأسئلة التى تغظينى حد الموت من نوع { ماعملتى ليك دهب؟ مااشتريتى ليك بيت؟}. لامست حلمى بالعودة التى نويتها من أول سنه غربة ومازلت أحلم واحزم كل ليلة {هديماتى} التى طالها ايضا النقد، {حسع دى هدوم تلبسيها؟} المدهش فى الامر انى عدت فقط بلبسة واحدة هى التى كنت البسها فى طريق عودتى لفيينا حيث تم تجريدى من كل اشيائى واحتفظت باصرار { بغويشة الجانقى فى معصمى} والتى علقت عليها شابة التقيتها صدفة ودهشت وهى تقول لى {انتى انيقة والفى يدك دى لو خليتيها لى بيكون كويس؟} وعدتها ان ارسل لها كميات وبالالوان وبالفعل اول شىء فعلته ان اشتريت حتى الآن اثنين بالاسود والبنى وحافزى ان ازيد عدد اللأتى يعدن الى الجزور.
فى حى المعمورة التى أجرنا فيها {شقة} ارضية لامى قبل ان تسفيرها الى القاهرة للعلاج اكتشفت أختى ان الجانب الآخر يسكنه رجال من الوحده الافريقية، سمعت جارتنا هذا الحكى وقالت {عاد اعملن حسابكن يقوموا العبّادة ديل عليكن} كانوا مهذبين جدا وقاموا بتحيتنا كلما وقعت عيونهم علينا وخلق بعضهم علاقة مع أخى الصغير الذى حادثهم بالعربى وحادثوه بالانجليزى ومع ذلك فهموا بعض لان اللغة المشتركة كانت لغة الانسانية. الغريب ان لا احد يمكن ملاحظة ان هؤلاء الوافدين من بلاد افريقية مختلفة يختلفون عن غيرهم من السودانيين. مازال بعضنا يغرق فى الوهم العظيم { بدمنا النقى وعرقنا المحصن} جال فى خاطرى سؤال المصرية التى سألتنا له فى يوم بعيد وكنت برفقة سودانية كانت دائما ماتعلق حين ترى بعض الأفارقه فى احدى شوارع فيينا المرتبة { والله الافارقة ديل بقوا كتار خلاص، كرهونا ذاتو البلد} وكنت ارد وهى تغتاظ منى { انتى قايلاه نفسك مفروزه منهم، تعالى اسألى اى نمساوية او نمساوى ممكن جدا يقول لك انك من مالى ولا الكمرون وبعدين انتى قايله دى الخرطوم؟}. وقبل ان ينفجر غيظها سألتنا مهاجرة مصرية {بتتكلموا عربى كويس فين اتعلمتوا العربى؟} وفجرت مرافقتى غيظها عليها بالرد الذى فجرنى بالضحك { اتعلمناه من افلام محمود يسن وفاتن حمامة} ولم انتبه والضحك {يشرطنى} ان المصرية تعتزر وتقسم بالنيل ابينا وحلايب أمنا.
وأنا فى الطائرة خطيت خطوطى العريضه للنحت فى موضوعين يرتبطان ارتباطا لصيقا ببعضهما {العنصرية} و {نحن والآخر}. تذكرت عفيف اسماعيل الذى هاتفنى قبل سفرى للسودان وهو يحرضنى لكتابة مشاعرى وملاحظاتى وقد ظل يفعل منذ ان فرهد وعى بالاشياء التى حولى وتذكرت تخوفه بانى اذا استمريت فى الكتابة هكذا ساتسبب فى ازمة ورقية، اما ياصديقى والورق صار اليوم ابن العولمة وتبخر فى الفضاء {يعنى كلامى شايلاه الهواء} تماما كااحلام الفقراء.
انتهت الأيام السبعة والقيامة التى قامت منذ ان خلق الله السودان.
حين ودعتنى أختى وانا أسالها ان عن {رقم القيد} وكانت مغتاظة منى { قيد شنو انتى كمان، عندنا قيد واحد، ماتتفلهمى علينا} وكظمت الضحك والغيظ وكان على ان أطوى تجربتى قرابة الخمسة عشر عاما فى بلد يختلف فى كل شىء وان اخرج حياتى من النظام الاجتماعى للنمسا التى كل شىء فيها مرتبا، تذكرت بيتنا فى فيينا الذى تحتفل به بلدية المدينة كل عام باعتباره اول بيوت الدولة التى تم بنائها بعد الحرب العالمية الاولى وظل صامداا مثله مثل بيوت عتيقة بنيت فى القرن السادس عشر، النمسا التى دمرتها الحربين العالمتين وعاث هتلر فيها دمارا نهضت بعزيمة أهلها وبالمهاجرين اللذين بنوها وقبل ذلك بالخطط الواضحة.
أخذت مكانى فى انتظار الزمن المحدد، والدقائق سلحفائية، بعد ساعتين رأيت الصفوف، سألت أحد الموظفين ما اذا كانت احدى الصفوف للطائرة التركية، أشار بيده وهمهم بكلمات لم افهمها جيدا وتبعت اشارة اصبعه، كان فعلا ما توقعت، وقفت فى الصف الى ان جاء دورى وقلت للمسئول ماحسيت بانى يجب ان يقال بانه لم يتم التنبيه بمكبر الصوت كما يحدث دائما فى المطارات الدولية واردفت بانى اقول ذلك حرصا على البلد التى أنجبتنى، نظر الى نظرة لاتخلو من الغيظ وهو يقول {نحنا حريصين وقد تم التنبيه بس انتى ماسمعتى} قبل ان ارد جاء صوت رجل فى سن أبى من خلفى {لا ابدا ماسمعنا لانو ماحصل}، هزيت رأسى وبى مابى من حسرة وامامى كم هائل من السنوات الضوئية لنصل مصاف امانينا بان يكون مطار الخرطوم مثل مطار فرانكفورت ولا فيينا {انشاءالله مطار تركيا ولا الاردن}، حيث اهتمت خاصة الدول الاولى بمواطنيها وموظفيهيا ووفرت لهم سبل الراحة ربما حين يأتى صغارنا بعد عشرات السنين الى بلاد ذويهم للبحث عن الجزور يستقبلون بالابتسامة ويفسحون لهم الطريق ممهدا لبلاد تحترم انسانية مواطنيها. لحين ذلك يبقى الناس { وسواس المحبة الساكنة روحى}.
فييينا فى يوم تقمصتنى فيه الامانى ان ارى الفقراء ينهضون كالطوفان....
لغة الجسد
ولاتمطر فى
ولامن طينك اتخصب واحبل
فجرا
وصباحا
كان الوعد شجرا أعمى
مثلى تماما ياحبيبى
لا اعرف اين اسند جراحاتى
والجدار بيننا سميك
سراب
سراب يلذعنى كبرودة القبر
كنت عارية
احمل فى جسدى عورات زمانى
نهدان ينتصبان بقسوة
ماذا لو حبلت منهما
أخلق آدم ليحبل حواء
ام لتمطر فى أمزجة مناختك المنفلتة؟
أجبنى
لماذا افصل روحى عن جسدى؟
جسدى حديقتك الغناء
وروحى مهمشة ذابلة
تبحث عن نجوم زرقاء
ترقد فى إعياء
تنتفض حين تدخلنى فى آخر المساءات الحزينة
فى آخر رعشة مكبوتة
لاتهز عصب فخذى قصيدة
قصيدة تحكى كم
مظلومة حواء
كوردة تقاوم الصقيع
أقاوم آخر رغشاتى
وأمسك بآخر تلابيب إنبثاقى
حين تخترقنى كاحدى مزامير داؤد
ياعاصفة تدور حولى كشيطان حميم
تأتينى كالحقيقة الوهم
وتأوينى فى بيت عنكبوت
هل جسدى
حديقة لموتك المؤقت
ام عاهرا لايخجل يراقصك أناشيد الموت النهائى
وروحى
روحى أغنية فاترة
تخمد حين تشتعل نشوتى الولعة
ظالم انت ياحبيبى
حين فصلت روحى عن جسدى
اشراقه مصطفى
الخرطوم 16 سبتمبر 2001
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